Dreading another cervix measurement check tomorrow 😭

I know these are necessary due too infection and pprom and preterm labor from or first baby whom we lost at 23 weeks but i hate these... I hate the anxiety, the uncertainty, the smell of the clinic, the gel, all of it.. It's fun to see baby for half a second but i can't help but hold my breath and expect dread from these appointments.. Like there's going to be a time again where i feel fine and i have no cervix left... I'm terrified and i don't feel like i have anyone to talk to that understands this fear and anxiety.. I'm 18 weeks and as we get closer o the time frame when we lost our first i get more terrified.. Anyone in a similar boat? I'm so scared.