Very emotional

Ftm 34 weeks feeling very emotional everyday

I'm due in march an I think I do not want anyone there with me when I give birth my so has not been here for me I done everything alone we are not together because he cheated an I jus can't forgive him

I just keep feeling like why me what did I do to be treated like shit

I never cheated I always took care of home always helped with everything

Would I be selfish if when my water breaks that I don't tell him or anyone just tell him after baby comes out?