This is really hard!

Devon
I really just need to vent to anyone out there who may understand what this feels like. We've been TTC for 14 months now with absolutely no success. I'm 36 and afraid I'm never going to have the chance to know the feeling of carrying a life that is half me and half the man I love. I want stare at a face that resembles my own and know that my lifeblood is being passed on. I want my DNA to live on this earth after I'm gone. 
This month, on my third cycle of clomid, I never hit peak on the opk, so I considered this month a wash. But then I saw my acupunturist who told me I had the pulse of pregnant woman. I allowed myself to hope. I waited a few days and then took a test. A big fat nope. I'm now starting my period so I know test isn't lying. 
I'm devastated and no one around me understands how badly this hurts. How I cry when I'm alone, because I can't talk myself out of tears. Everyone says "keep trying. It'll happen" but this is really hard.