Gender anxiety/gender disappointment. I had a miscarriage in November of 2014. For a year I begged and prayed to God for a baby. Well in November of 2015 I got my BFP. We find out the gender on Monday and I would be lying if I said I wasn't struggling. I am so grateful to be having a baby in the first  place that I feel terribly guilty for wanting a baby girl. I am afraid that I willing be disappointed if it's a boy. I know I will be and it makes me sad. I have had so many dreams that it's a girl that I'm almost expecting a girl and I don't know how I'm going to feel if it's a boy. I love my baby and love feeling it roll around and kick so why am I feeling this way?