Ultimatums?

Question

Has anyone given their bf an ultimatum, like about getting married? My SO is on and off about marriage, sometimes he says he doesn't believe in it and sometimes he says he will get married. We've been together three years and I'll be 24 in two years. Would it be silly to tell him that I want to be engaged by 24 if we're still together? If anyone has done this, did it work in your favor or did it push him away?

Answer

Ultimatums =threats. Don't force a man to propose, it won't end well.

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If you want marriage and he can't decide, tell him you won't budge on wanting that and he either needs to work toward that or tell you now so you can move on and find someone else. It's unfair for him to string you along.

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24 is still pretty young.. Why are you pushing so hard for him to propose right now? If you're happy and in love why the rush?

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Ultimatums are bad- if you push him to make decisions he's not ready for then you are likely to get the answer you least want. If your relationship is so good that you want to marry him... Why isn't that enough? I would love to marry my SO but I would never push him. Perhaps say rather than being engaged to be married see it as a commitment ring. A symbol of commitment but not strictly to get married.

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My thought has always been this..."Why would I want to force someone to be with me?" If they want to be with me, they will and they'll do what it takes to make me happy, and if not, It's not meant to be and its time to move on. Let the relationship take its course. If you think he is totally against marriage and won't ever do it and you're not willing to not be married, then I'd say it's better to end the relationship now because that's a major issue

Answer

Ultimatums are terrible. Having a serious discussion about your future and what you want out of life isn't. You know it's okay to propose to a man? It is 2016.
If he's just playing games with you then move on. If he's not serious about your future then move on. 
Everyone has different expectations. You need to find out why he's so against marriage. If it's just so he can make a quick exit or he doesn't like the attachment you may need to reevaluate why you're together especially if marriage is important to you. 
Some people just don't ever feel the need to get married. Tell him why marriage is important to you and ask what he thinks of it. Set a time table like "I expected to be married by such and such time and I'm concerned your beliefs don't aline with mine."
You don't want to force him because that will lead to resentment and ultimately divorce.

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I would tell him how you feel like your relationship isn't moving forward and how that's something you want. You could always have a long engagement. If marriage is important to you then he needs to know that.

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My husband was pretty jaded about marriage and I knew that but he also knew it was something I wanted for my future. I just waited patiently for him to come around and he did. We had been together about 1 1/2 yrs when he proposed and we got married at 2 years, but we were 31 and 32 so time was ticking.  We got married Sept 2, 2012 and we now have a toddler and baby due any day now. I would not recommend an ultimatum. They never end well.

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I told my now husband on our second date that I wanted to be engaged in 2 yrs or we were through. I am extremely up front and told him that I had played house before and I refuse to do it again. Luckily he was fine with that. But every one is different. Good luck

Answer

Just enjoy your relationship!!!!

Ultimatums?

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