Newborn + stress? (Help!!/rant) FTM

Question

I need help, I'm in tears and need other moms help, I'm a FTM.
((I'm sorry this turned out way longer than expected... Too tired/frazzled to fix it though, thanks for any help)) My baby is 17 days old. The first week was a breeze. He was so calm and happy. And I had the opposite effect of PP Blues (I was so happy at all times with infinite patience and content!) The second week he was a bit more lively and would get fussy but still never really cry more than a millisecond if we were just really not catching onto what he needed, which was rare. Then just before the two week mark and ever since, has just been SO upset and hard to manage. More frequent feedings, but not sufficient no matter how disciplined I get with it (actively massaging breast and keeping him awake and holding off a bit between feedings to ensure he's hungry enough). He cries all the time and we can't fathom his needs. He's restless. We try to work with his temp, and his gassy-ness but to no avail since those end up not being the problem. 
I finally talked to my mom about it and she said stress can affect him tremendously. She said it can affect even the taste of my milk, and that he can pick up discomfort and stress in my voice. (True?)
So I'm trying to figure what's been going on but it's nothing significant. Lots of little things that, I suppose as an adult just doesn't phase me as significantly as it could an infant. Am I off the deep end here or is this at least semi accurate?
So what's the stress? idk. We have only had two days since the birth where it was just us as a family (husband, baby, and myself) because I've been on bedrest until now following the birth and needed help. So our moms have tag teamed being here (they're both from out of town so they've stayed for days in a row). Any stress stuff has been petty (such as, my dad-in-law came to pick up my mom-in-law and was in a bad mood both days he was here and it made me feel so bad and try to people-please him and made me feel worried and stressed the whole time, he was just this dark cloud, but nothing I couldn't tuck away on the exterior) but now looking at it, has been accumulating and yesterday was the last day  of having company. Now it's just us. Much needed. But I lost my shit so bad last night and scared the shit out of my poor baby by screaming "stop!" when he was ceuing over nothing, and I have been crying ever since because I can't believe that not only has my son been clearly discomforted lately for some unknown reason but I (his mom, his comfort!) just made him feel so unsafe in his environment and I can't get that look of absolute fear he gave me out of my head.💔 It turned into a bad night as my depression came back full force and I suddenly wanted to die to be sure my son wouldn't be around this hostility. The police showed up thanks to a "noise complaint", omg. It just amped up the stress, now it's 3am and I've been sobbing and praying. 
**sorry this is longer and more rant-like than expected, so sleep deprived and delusional here**
Can you help, have advice/wisdom?:
Is this stress thing accurate? How do you get it back to the relaxed, safe-sensation for Baby? What do I do? What triggers a baby? How can I protect my environment? If it's not this stress factor, why is my son so frustrated suddenly?! I just want him to feel safe and happy!! 💔💔😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😖

Answer

I wish I had some advice to offer. As a first time mom all I can say is that I completely understand how you feel. By break down moment came when my little one was 1 week old. We are now 3 weeks in and I just keep telling myself to take it it one day at a time. Before we know it this will pass and we'll be back to the overwhelming happiness. However if you feel like things aren't getting better please talk to your doctor. You may need more than just time and that's okay too.

Answer

With a history of depression, you're more likely to develop postpartum depression. You might start with an appointment with your OB or midwife for yourself. You can't get to the bottom of baby's issues until you've cared for yourself. The fact that you're asking these questions means you're already a great mother and you're doing a good job! Newborns are hard! I've screamed and scared my 2 week old multiple times when she has latched and it has hurt so bad. My husband has lost his cool so many times when she poops immediately after getting a clean diaper. The first few months (the 4th trimester) are the perfect storm of hormones, recovery pain, breastfeeding stress, loss of sleep, crying, etc and will lead to many more meltdowns. I sobbed through an entire feeding last night because my nipples hurt so bad I gave her 4 mL of pumped milk in a medicine cup and felt like a failure. You are not alone at all.

Answer

Done babies like to be cuddled, lots of attention, refresh air ( take him for a walk ) a nice bath, less clothes on, Rock to sleep (not shake) maybe he don't like the breast milk try formula or give him at least 1 or 2 times  2-3 oz formula bottles per day  I hope this helps  good luck hunni 🍼🍼

Answer

When my baby gets like that she usually needs to burp or she is over tired. I make sure her diaper is clean, burp her as much as possible (I actually try to burp her all the time even after she had already burp, just because sometimes she didn't burp well enough and it keeps bothering her) I try to help her fall to sleep by putting her On her swing, walking her around, cuddling etc. if none of that works and it's late at night I turn off every thing and let her settle. She just needs her quiet time to fall to sleep. Because sometimes I just try to do much to make her fall to sleep that I actually don't let her sleep because I keep moving her around and etc. hang in ther girl you can do this!!!

Take big deep breaths and remember something is bothering your baby and is hard to let you know what it is. Be more patient it will be ok. God bless you!!

Answer

My baby is the same age as yours and we are struggling with the same problems. She's gotten SO  much more sensitive and irritable since around 2 weeks. Wakes up all night, actually cries a lot more, doesn't want to be put down, seems to be gassy all the time... I'm sure everyone's right that stress effects the baby but stress
Might not be the cause of the changes in behavior. It may actually be a phase or a growth spurt or the baby going through another adjustment period.

As for where the stress is coming from... For me it's coming from healing physically and emotionally from giving birth, with sleep deprivation and exhaustion added, and trying to keep up with the needs of a newborn. All the normal outside things that would bother me honestly aren't even stressing me out in comparison to just parenting a newborn. I don't really even feel that stressed because I'm so focused on the baby but I'm sure it's there. Don't feel guilty that your stress is the cause of your little one's behavior- that's just one more thing to stress about. Of course I'm in my own special hell over here with my babe giving me thrush in my nipples making nursing excruciating, yay. So I'm telling myself all this shit is not my fault! I'm trying and so are you, and you're actually doing amazingly well. Tomorrow may be a better day.

Answer

I remember these days with my first baby too and how stressful it can be. If your baby is non stop crying try meeting with his pediatrician and rule out acid reflux and colic. Something you're eating also could be upsetting his tummy. Stress definitely can affect the baby as well, they can sense it so try your best to remain calm. If you're getting really worked up my best advice is put the baby in a safe place (crib, pack in play) and walk away for a few minutes to collect yourself. Eat some ice cream, drink a glass of water, take a minute to unwind. I used to feel so bad doing that but it really was what I needed. Trying putting on soft music, giving him a bath, a calming lotion, rocking, and get to know your baby. In time you will figure out what his cues are. I saw that you live in Portland, I live here as well. There are mommy groups at most hospitals for babies up to 3 months that meet I believe once a week, that may be great for you to interact with other FTM and to share experiences. If you're having trouble breast feeding Le Leche League is also a great recourse and they do free home visits. Try getting out for a walk if you can too so you don't get cabin fever. Hope this helps some!!

Answer

Watch the movie "the happiest baby on the block," you can buy it off amazon. It's life changing for helping you learn how to soothe your crying baby. Highly recommend!

Newborn + stress? (Help!!/rant) FTM

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