Keeping "family" from your baby?

Question

So I'm estranged from my grandmother, uncle and cousins. My mum just called me saying "shall I text my mum to say she's gonna be a great grandma?"

Is it right that I got annoyed!!!? I'm not annoyed at my mum, I'm annoyed because the title is so undeserving of her! My mum is my baby's grandma and that's it! This woman hasn't bothered with me since I was 15 years old! 10 years on I don't think I want her to pop back up with ANYTHING! So much to the point that if she asks to see the baby I'll say no. When my grandfather died she kept any details from me. The reason she's so shitty I've found out is because apparently I "ruined everything" by moving in with my mum (I lived with her for a year to be close to a good primary school) when I got to high school age. She assumed I was going to live with her forever?!!!

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What have you done?

Answer

Id let your mum tell her but not accept any gifts or offerings from her. I'm estranged from my dads mum, have been about 12-15years and she turned up unannounced at the hospital while I slept. Its been the only time she's seen my son and will be the only time. Because of her fall out with my dad(he never stopped her seeing us it was her choice) his brothers who aren't estranged don't have much to do with us either. She's only missed nearly all of my youngest sisters life, most of mine and my middle sisters and well I won't be going to a local hospital for this ones birth so she won't get to see him/her.

Answer

I'm going through a very similar situation! I haven't talked to my mom's mom (I don't associate her as family) since I was 13 and now she wants to try and make amends with me now that she's getting older.  I don't want to tho! She has made me feel so bad about myself that why would I want to have my child around someone who I don't even associate with? I wouldn't worry about it,  it's your child and your rules.  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Answer

Yes I've been in (still kinda am) in a complicated situation with my family. Here's the thing, my first 2 babies were growing up without them, and 2 family members passed. Your grandmother, is only going to get older. Do not regret never trying to get along again or trying to make things right. Do it for your baby. It can take years for a family to heal, but you gotta take that first step, even if they hurt you with words a baby can change things. I'm not saying welcome her with open arms, just take it slow and set your boundaries.

Answer

I struggle with this as there's a lot of estranged relationships in my family, and I'm constantly navigating who's not speaking to whom and who can't be in the same space. My thoughts are it's your baby, you decide who you can trust around them and who you can't. No one gets to tell you. I assume your grandmother may find out on her own anyway so I guess it depends on if you want to control how she finds out or if you just want to stay entirely out of it. Bottom line, you're in charge. Don't let anyone make you do anything you're uncomfortable with.

Answer

I have been researching grandparents rights (we need keep my oh mother away as she is evil) and they have none what so ever so I imagine it's the same for great grandparents make sure anyone around you knows the score so she is denied entry by everyone and make sure pictures are only shared with those you trust that's what we will be doing good luck!!!!!

Keeping "family" from your baby?

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey