Not in love with my daughters father
I'm not sure what to do with my life anymore. I don't know where to go from here. I've realized that I'm not in love with my boyfriend. I never did. He was a rebound from a 3 year relationship and after dating for a month i broke up with him because I wanted to be alone and learn to take care of myself. A few days later I found out I was pregnant and I made myself date him again for the sake of our baby. My mother kicked me out and I had to live with him too which is at his parents.
I thought I loved him for a little while but now I can't do it anymore. He's so mean and ignorant and thinks he's fucking gold. He works at subway and won't apply somewhere new so he can help support our daughter. He's comfortable at his job. I make a little more than he does maybe $50 more a week so I have to buy formula and diapers and anything else. She's getting to that age where she needs a walker and solid foods and he's not going to help me buy those things.
I feel like he's a part time dad. Awesome with her but would rather I take care of her the whole time I'm home. I've told him all of this and how I feel like we're not meant to be. I mean, look at how our relationship started! 😞 he tells me we are and he loves me even though I strongly believe he doesn't. I feel like we're forcing compatibility for our daughter.
On top of it all I have no money saved so I can't move and I have no family or friends and he told me many times if I break up with him he's kicking me out and doesn't care where I go even if it's the street. He says he'll hate me more as if I cheated and I can't have our daughter because "the state won't let a mother have custody if she's homeless" he says he'll take me to court and all that. He always says it would be selfish of me to break up our family.
So now I feel like a shitty person and that I AM selfish. I don't know if I should just save money and then move on my own or stay because I don't want be the reason my daughter has a split up family. I'm really lost and disappointed that I put myself in this situation. :(
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