Feel so selfish right now.

Just need to put this into words... If you have something judgmental to say I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself. I feel badly enough about it already. Thanks in advance.

I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage and had a D&E on March 11th. My husband and I chose not to tell most of our friends because we have 3 people in our group who are due in August (I was due in September). No one except our immediate families knew I was pregnant.

It was important to me that they not know because I didn't want them to feel like they had to watch what they said around me, or that I wouldn't be happy for them.

This week, a friend (not one of the pregnant ones, but still someone I don't want to tell) had a terrible situation come up that ended in her having to surrender her dog. She's obviously heartbroken, and as a huge animal lover myself I'm heartbroken for her and the dog. The other girls immediately rallied the troops to give her moral support.

I realized two things that made me feel like a monster. Not only did I barely have it in me to offer any support beyond a text while I'm still recovering from my loss (in full hormone crash mode now, I think)... but I also felt hurt and slighted that I have to go through my situation without any such support from them.

I realize how stupid that is. They can't offer moral support if they don't know it's needed. I chose not to tell them and it was for a reason. It just hit me how shitty it is to feel obligated to go about it this way and watch someone else have everyone drop everything to make her feel better.

Somehow this hit me harder than knowing that 3 of our friends are happily pregnant... Harder than sitting through a whole brunch of girls comparing pregnancy and baby notes when I knew either a D&E or natural miscarriage were coming for me... I can't explain it but am so angry at myself for feeling this way.

Thanks for reading.