I was initially in shock, but just two days later I am completely destroyed. Every single thing in my life reminds me of my little babies. Even thinking about things they hadn't touched yet kill me, like now I won't have babies at Christmas this year. It seems like this heartache will never let up. I can't even eat because for 19 weeks everything I put in my mouth I shared with them. I feel so lonely and empty because I'm literally missing the most important pieces of myself. How do people move on? How do they hold their lifeless babies and still have the courage to try again in the future? I feel like this black hole that unexpectedly took my future will never go away. I feel like every time I do something without them that I'm betraying them or pushing them away from me when all I really want is to be with them. I'm so surprised how attached I had become in such a short time and now I can't seem to move forward. 😓