Found out the big news...
We found out that we cannot have our own children. But there's hope yet. ☺️ After much prayerful thought and consideration, we have decided to foster and eventually adopt. I can't explain how much hope this brings to us.
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Here is what I hope to one day tell my future son or daughter:
🔹With every night I couldn't sleep, obsessing over every symptom and tracking every cycle, I wanted you. With every negative test and disappointing result, I was thinking of you.
🔹I loved you before I ever met you. I knew that somewhere out there my baby was growing up. We didn't know where you were or what you looked like, but we loved you relentlessly. Even though you didn't grow in my tummy, you grew in my heart. Every prayer, every tear, every doubt led to this moment where you became my daughter/son.
🔹I fantasized about those beautiful maternity photo shoots where I would be glowing and pregnant. I thought my life would never be complete unless I grew a baby in my stomach. But now I find that 100% silly. My baby is growing in someone else's belly and I will forever be grateful to the woman who carried him or her. I hope she never takes that ability for granted.
🔹Our hearts prayed and wished and waited for you. We prayed you would make it to us safely and that whatever the circumstances you would know you're finally home when you came to us. We wished for years for a positive test but when we got the hint that God had a different plan for us, we couldn't wait to start the journey!
🔹Sometimes I wonder why God allows some families to have their own kids and some not. I realize that that is a risky game to play. If I'm not careful, I find myself envious of other women and doubting God's plan for my life. Sometimes I just find it unfair that there are women who accidentally get pregnant or simply don't care for their children like they should. But then I start to think... Wow, what if God knew all along that we were going to be parents and He had big plans for our kids - whoever they may be? What if all along we were meant to find the forgotten and unwanted and make them our family? It's not that we're better or we're broken or we're settling on Plan B. The child(dren) that we adopt are going to know without a shadow of a doubt that they are wanted, they are loved by a mighty God, they are worthy. 💙💙
Whoever you are, we're waiting for you. We're praying for you. Just sit tight and know you are loved in the meantime.
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