Feeling Defeated and Confused
February 10th my husband and I went in for our first ultrasound at 11 weeks to see our first little one and were devested when we discovered that our little one had stopped developing. On February 12th, I was given Misprostol to begin the miscarriage process since my body wasn't naturally miscarrying on its own. AF came to visit exactly 4 weeks afterwards and with the okay from my doctor, we immediately started trying after my first cycle. I ovulated right on track and we made sure to be intimate every single day during my fertile window.
I am devasted now however because AF just showed up again. Although I knew that the chances of concieving again right off the bat was pretty slim, I was very hopeful. I've done everything possible to make sure I am in tip top shape for our rainbow baby. My husband has been taking care of himself, also. It's just heartbreaking.
What I just don't understand is how so many young women are getting pregnant with no problem with men they've only known for a few short months and go on to have beautiful healthy babies, yet there are other women and families like myself that would do absolutely anything to have a baby. My sister in law, for example, already has three children by three different men at the age of 23 and already has her tubes tied. She can't even afford her children and they are neglected by her because she is stuck in her high school days because all she wants to do is be young and have fun. It just kills me because here we are dying to have just one child of our own, while she doesn't even realize how blessed she is to have three beautiful, healthy children. I just don't get it.
Maybe I'm just emotional because I did just start my period and I'm hormonal. Or maybe it's because I found out my husband will be deploying and now we have a timeline to try to get pregnant before he leaves, so I'm under even more pressure and worried to death that we're going to have to wait a year or even longer to be able to try again. We basically have up until June to try for another baby, then we're out of time until he comes back home.. Ugh. Why is life so hard some times? Why can't those of us that want to be parents so bad just simply have a healthy pregnancy or baby? I'm so tired of being so sad.
Ps. I'm sorry about the long rant. I just had to get it out. 😔
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