Feel like giving up

It's been 3yrs. We're not trying to have a baby but we're not preventing it either. It's more like if it happens it happens. We leave it in gods hands. Yesterday AF was supposed to come and she didn't I was getting happy then today bam she shows her face! I been crying my heart hurts I wanna throw up I just don't no how to feel what to do I'm going insane I don't wanna give up on hope but I can't keep feeling like this every single month. Growing you up always heard it takes one time to get pregnant. Yeah ok!!!! It's been 3yrs