Needing guidance or some encouragement

Lately I've been feeling horible. I deal with depression and lately it's gone from bad to worse. I recently just got dumped by someone I thought loved and cared for me, and it happened so suddenly and unexpectedly that I'm not sure how to even recover. I ended up drinking more and doing drugs and ended up getting sexually assaulted and when I finally opened up tp someone about it, they made me feel worse. I just feel so defeated and lost and I just don't want live anymore. I just feel worthless and disgusted with myself. Idk what to do from here. I've been pretending like I'm okay but I feel so miserable and broken and I constantly have to hold back my tears because I will have a meltdown. I don't know what I'm looking for by saying all this but I hoped it would help me a little maybe...