So my Boyfriend died about 12 days ago. (Possibly a drug overdose) he had like 20+ years of drug problems and he was 20 years older than me. I am 8 months pregnant and we have two boys ages 5&9. I am going through so much. Mornings are the worst for me. I keep snapping at the kids and I have trouble breathing. I have no support system. (My mom dad are alcoholics and my sister sleeps a lot on pills not a lot friends) I did sign up for counseling and started going to church and spending time with my boyfriends other kids. I feel okay in the afternoon and going to bed since I'm drained I just feel so angry that he went out that way. I feel disturbed that his body is now ashes. The funeral he didn't look like the same person. Its so scary. I need help like i do get up everyday and try to be happy for the kids but there's nowhere to go nothing to do that it all reminds us of him. I was with him for 8 years. I feel like I should have known this would happen since he always asked to get high and had pains in his legs and feet and some other medical issues. I always refused saying if he got high he wouldn't be with us and that he could die and he never cared. I just want my boys to live a normal life, I know it's so hard but he was like 40+ years older than them so I don't know if it was a relief that we won't have to deal with this later or not but waking up everyday is a nightmare on it's own. If anyone has coping skills how I can accept this? The world looks different and fuzzy now. If anyone is free to talk to me my email is faithlovehopealwaysxo@gmail.com thank you for reading