Need to speak

I just wanted to share my feelings. My ex boyfriend well I was so manipulated by him. He cheated on me and I refused to see it. He sold meth for sexual favors these women with children leaving there family and he slept with women who had kids and was already married. I had never been with a man I was physically fit and we had sex about ten times in one year. He insulted me and had too many problems addiction to list. He watched Transgender pornography after I got pregnant and told me I wasn't feminine. This hurt me so bad was he gay?? So many secrets deleted messages he made me feel like I was nothing I came second and when I found out I was pregnant I wanted a abortion because of the type of person he is. But the child didn't choose his father and I didn't choose a guy like him he chose to cheat chose to love himself and the alcohol more than anything he works but the money where does it go. At one point I begged him to buy milk because for the baby I was starving. I had $35 for food and he begged me to give it to him for marijuana. I stayed because I loved him can you imagine coming home to your significant other husband or boyfriend and suddenly he calls you names only time you two talk is when he wants sex. He's always watching porn and hiding in the garage leaves to friends without inviting or telling you like going to the casino. He flirts with a 70 year old woman in front of you. How do you react what's wrong why did everything change. I understand stress all pregnant women are stressed you see pregnant women shooting up heroin smoking cigarettes drinking liquor the majority quit or stop immediately so can a man expecting to become a husband or father. What goes on in these mens head what if there mom was with a man similar to himself being treated how he treats his wife?? They should be ashamed not the woman for trying to help make everything okay seriously why are men getting into relationships if they aren't ready or having sex if they aren't ready to become fathers.

I had to post this my heartache it's upsetting I loved him and he did this to me.