Serious depression...i want to be happy..can i vent to you ladies!!!?!!?!

Question

So I have two children girl and boy 8 and 6 and my husband always wanted one more which I on the other hand was quite fine with two...due to the fact that I felt like I raised them on my own...he never got up in the middle of the night shoot he didn't give my son a bath until he was three I did everything around the house because I felt hey he is the provider this is what I have to do ( I grew up with my grandmother and my great grandparents lived across the street) and this is pretty much how I seen it done)
  so now with them being a little older and a little more self efficient i thought that hey I can go back to school finish getting my accounting degree without having to pay the expensive cost of child care on top of tuition and now I feel like im going to be stuck in the house for another five yrs with just the tasks of cooking and cleaning...I mean I'm 28 and was feeling like ok I'm not to old to go back but now by the time I go back I'll be 33 like he has goals and I stuck behind him and sacraficed my life to help him get where he wants but where is the sacraficed for me??? He will complain about he will only have a few hours asleep and be up with baby if i go to school in the morning I'm like OK there are countless days where I didn't sleep at all and had to get up and handle everything but you can't do the same for me??? I don't know his actions are really making me resent him and makes me wish I never was pregnant (cant help being excited for the baby) but scarred of what's to come after he wants me to be in this house he feels like if I become successful I will leave him ( which I have thought about) but shouldn't that make him changes his ways...i hate having to depend on a man I want my own success and my own career..sorry ladies but I just been on emotional roller coaster and since I have no one to talk to I felt this is the only way to release it lol thanks for listening

Answer

I think you should talk to your doctor just to beable to have a support system, they can recommend a mental health specialists. I think you have some real concerns and if they don't get addressed could cause issue with postpartum. Even worse resent this baby not just your husband. Good luck!

Answer

If he won't support you and your happiness, then it's not much of a relationship. Things won't improve till you make them! You deserve a life as much as he does! Do what you can to make things work for you!

Answer

I second the previous comment, with out support the commitment is not really a relationship it takes two to make a relationship work and your littles deserve to see you happy to. You can take little steps but take charge of your life, enroll in a couple of online classes to begin the transition. Think of how much easier and better you'll feel when your done know you worked your way through. I know the "mom" label is important but I too have two little ones ages 8 and 5 and now im going to be starting over again but im still in school pushing through because I feel like there's more to me than being "mom". I want to show them it's ok to work hard and be ambitious and keep my priorities straight.

Answer

You've been through a lot hun, and raising a child is not easier. Before taking any decisions, try to get some help from a counsellor, it makes a big difference. .

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I really don't want to give you any ideas but you're thinking about leaving anyway so why not? Him being a provider is more than just bringing the money home. He needs to provide emotionally and mentally and physically as well. What is the point of being in a relationship if he won't help with the kids? You might as well just leave and co-parent. I mean that's what it seems like now. He works, you stay home and take care of the kids and the house and he provides financially. You will have this same outcome single. Most men don't want their woman working out of fear that they'll be more successful, so you're absolutely right about that. He probably thinks you'll leave him if you do. Girl I don't know, I'm not a professional so I don't want to give you the wrong ideas. I think you should sit him down and talk. Try to get thru to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Good luck

Answer

Wow, I don't even know what to say. You are obviously a very strong woman though for doing what you have this far. I would love to be a full time stay at home mom BUT I completely understand the need to have a degree and support your family. My dad had a horrific car accident years ago while my siblings and I were in school. My mom gave up her career to be a stay at home mom. We made it thru the time my dad was off of work until he was able to go back, but it was tough. So since then my parents have always encouraged us girls to get a degree and to have that in our back pocket in case something ever happened that we would have to support ourselves and family. So I encourage you! You have done an awesome thing being with your children and now would be just as good as any to get your degree. Have you considered doing online classes? Bottom line is I wish your spouse would be more accomadating to you but unfortunatly it looks like he either doesn't understand how important it is or doesn't care enough. But I can tell you're certainly capable of juggling a ton of things (which when I went back to school- moms always made the best students because they knew how to prioritize, they were motivated, and just in general tougher women) good luck my dear! Definitely look into online classes, because I know if you have to do this on your own- your own way, I know you will and can!!

Answer

Some men don't want us to do better for ourselves so they can always have control of us. I realized that late in life after being in a similar situation as you for 14 years. If we get a degree and career and are able to take care of ourselves and do more they lose the control over us and our lives. Don't wait until it's too late I think you should do exactly what you want to be successful and happy. You've dedicated so many years to him now it's time to be dedicated to your wants and needs before it's too late. Talk about it with a professional first as I am not, just giving you my advice from my experience.

Serious depression...i want to be happy..can i vent to you ladies!!!?!!?!

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