I went to my doc yesterday at 8w3d for my first ultrasound and exam. The technician switched to vaginal when she couldn't see anything specific with the abdominal. She identified the yolk sack, but the fetal pole was absent. No baby.

After speaking with the doc about this and doing bloodwork round one of two, I went home and researched. I found some stories of women who were told there was no fetal pole but later there was a perfectly healthy baby, so although I was very upset, I was holding onto a little bit of hope.

That is, until I went to use the bathroom last night and found bright red blood. A lot of it. My body finally realized this pregnancy wasn't viable, and I am miscarrying.

I am not in any pain, so my doc doesn't feel that I need emergent care. And that's fine. I'd rather miscarry naturally if I can. I'm supposed to go tomorrow for the second round of bloodwork, and next week for an ultrasound. They'll determine if I need a D&C at that point.

This is so devastating. I have been operating this entire last month with the assumption that I am carrying a baby. I bonded with the baby. I talked to the baby. We made plans for a nursery. We picked out boy/girl names. We told my 10 year old daughter she was finally going to be a big sister. My mother bought some baby clothes because she was so excited. I was starting to consider whether I would do a home or hospital birth.

All that has been very abruptly and harshly taken from me and my family. I'm absolutely heartbroken.

I don't really know why I'm posting this. I don't have a question. I don't know any of you. I just know that there are women here who have gone through this, or are going through this...I need to know that I'm not alone, and that I will get past this.