God is GOOD.

After my 1st was born I made bad choices. At 17 I was overwhelmed so I left my 8 month old with his father to go be with a boy in another state that wanted me to abort my son when I found out I was pregnant. A few weeks later I found out my son's dad let him crawl into a bag of cocaine and when tested at hospital my son had it in system. I was unaware that he was doing drugs at time I left. After 3 weeks in a foster home my mother got custody of my son. I left in August and by November I was miserable depressed and missed my son. I moved back home with my mother and worked hard to get custody back. GED parenting classes job and drivers license. And the boy I left my son for moved in with us from out of state. One day he told me he thought it would be good to givemyson up again so we could work and make money and live life for a while. I told him no and to beat feet and stayed at friends until he left the state. After that I became addicted to pills. I was drinking hard and having sex with whoever while still taking care of my son. And at this point his father was gone from his life forever getting someone else pregnant. I quit my job but still got GED. I met Matthew a few weeks after I broke up with that boy. I fell instantly. He was 12 years older and was raising his 2 son's after nasty divorce. (She was pregnant after 5 months marriage and twas his best friend's baby) so while my pill addiction was worsening we got to know each other a little and after a year of being friends we got together and a year after that I left him to be with guy in another state I met online!! I know I know. I got pregnant after a week of being there. And yes I had my son with me. After a month of living with him. I moved in right away. He started getting weird. Kept phone from me. Monitored all online activity like a hawk constantly called me a liar amongst other horrors. He was not physical but I was being abused mentally verbally and physcologically. After 2 months I had to sneak his cell phone while he was asleep and call my mom and begged her to come get me. That 2 hr wait for her was awful. I tried to do it while he slept but while packing my stuff he woke up and freaked out on me. But I finally got away with my son and our stuff and a baby in my belly. When I got to my moms house I debated for a few days to call Matt and explain myself. I sent him a text instead and he called me right away. I told him I was preggo and he asked to come see me. So he did and when I saw him all he could talk about was Jesus finding him. God opening his eyes. I hardly listened. He held me after all I did to him he held me. I had a miscarriage a few days later. He held me then too. Those stupid pills still held me in their grasp though. After 4 months Matt and I had serious talk about what we wanted. I wanted to be with him and he with me. We got back together but I was at my most desperate time. I needed God first. I needed Jesus and I was starting to see that but couldn't stop pills. So by December 2011 after praying hard and giving my heart up to the Lord I stopped doing them. And I mean stopped. No withdrawals no urges no desires for pills anymore completely gone and I haven't since. Since then Matthew and I were shown that we are soul mates 100% I moved in with him he became Dada to my son. He quit smoking cigarettes. Threw t all in a fire while camping and hasn't wanted since. We were married 5 15 15 and now are expecting a son together. No our life isn't perfect we lost our home last September due to financial hardships and had to move into a neighbor's. We are still there living in a basement. No perfect but we are hopeful. I can now say with absolute truth that Jesus is our Lord and Savior and the true bond of our marriage that will last forever. God is good. He did this all for me at a time I didn't want it because he knew it was what I needed. He was patient enough to wait while I did everything so bad and wrong. And one day everything will be good for everyone. Not just "rightous" people or those with money. But EVERYONE forever. No more death sickness or sorrow. That's a promise and our God is faithful in his promises. And it's not about Allah or buddah or Jehovah or Yahweh. It's about the one true creator of all of creation loving us forever more no matter what we believe. Simply because he says I Am and it is enough.