My son died 8 days ago, since then we've buried him and gotten a lot of support but I feel like no one truly understands what I'm going through. It's hard to see infants and pregnant women and not get sad or envious. It's hard to wake up everyday knowing I'm not pregnant anymore would I should be. It's hard not to kill myself. It's hard to listen to "You are young you can have more children" or "Everything will be okay". It's hard to still have faith in God. It's hard to think about having other children because I'm afraid the same thing will happen and I can't go through this again. There was no reason this should have happen and I feel like I failed my son and that its my fault he died. Some days I'm okay and I can pretend I'm doing okay but others like today are extremely hard to get through. No one around me understands so I have no one to talk to. Everyone around me has been extremely supportive but only people that have gone through what I've gone through can truly understand. I just don't know what to do right now. This was suppose to be the best year of my life and now idk if I even want to continue it.

Update: Thank you everyone for your support. It has now been almost 8 months since he passed and I am honestly in better spirits. I'm still struggling with my faith, but I am no longer suicidal. I still get envious when I see pregnant women and infants, but I'm not on the verge of a breakdown when I do see them. I did ttc for a couple of months, but it actually made me very depressed when it didn't happen so I stopped trying. Now I can smile when I think about him and be grateful for the moments I did have with him, his name was Brennan. Again thank you so much for the comments they have truly helped me get through this difficult time.