Eptopic pregnancy 💔

I honestly thought the hospital would give me some reassurance everything looked fine and I would be off on my way. But nothing prepared me for what was to come. The internal ultrasound revealed an ectopic pregnancy - far worse than the worst outcome I could have previously imagined (which was a normal miscarriage). I can not describe how devastated I am. Not only the loss of this baby who I already loved so much, but now I have to wait to see if my pregnancy hormones drop naturally in 48 hours, best scenario is the 'matter' comes away on its own. If not I will need injections to help things along. But they try and not give that unless necessary because it is very toxic and you can not try again after for at least 3 months. If that does not work then I need surgery which may mean removing the Fallopian tube. I really hope it doesn't come to that. I've already suffered another miscarriage before.

To add insult to injury the doctors say I may not be able to fly abroad for 3 months because of risk of my tube rupturing and internal bleeding. We have our dream holiday booked for a few weeks time all paid for and non refundable. I felt like that holiday would be a tiny way to help get away from the loss for a little bit and to grieve with my fiancée. But obviously not worth risking my life and a very small thing in comparison to the heartbreak of losing our baby. It was just the final straw to top off the worst day of my life (& birthday) ever. I'm finding it so hard to cope with this. Any words of support would be so appreciated.