Sick of everything and everyone..

So he's allowed to act a fool and be himself around my family not caring if he looks like an asshole or not but when it comes to me I'm not allowed to jokingly call him an asshole infront of he's family when really he is because of the simple fact he's "no good mother" had given him 40$ and it's all gone in the same day and that's all we had till NEXT FRIDAY... I'm so so sick of it. The stupid ass childish lies, him restraining me when it's not even needed, he just uses that as an excuse to man handle me if I don't shut up and listen too his stupid ass bullshit. I fucking hate that I love him, I truly do, not only that but I'm having my first child by him 😥 I've really really have fucked up my life, my child's life and our future. I don't know how dumb a person can be. I'm sorry for the cursing and me rambling on but I'm seriously pissed off but hurt and just needed to rant. People always say your never stuck you can always get away, but I don't know what it is.. I'm IN LOVE with him and can't truly see myself with anyone else, even talking to anyone else and definitely can't see myself without him. I'm one crazy ass woman I guess. Sorry again I just really needed to rant and get this out somewhere..