Deep in the mud
I just want to openly write about it all.
My story in a very short list of facts;
I arrived to the USA from a war zone. No contact with family after a very ugly divorce where trying to be good with everyone resulted in me losing all.
Came with nothing but my wonderful dogs who are my only family.
Worked and earned well, had to quite job due to working 12h daily 7 days a week. My body collapsed.
Found another on the other side of the coast - came, found out it was a fraud, left.
Got married to my best friend who in return I found out was having multiple relationships. We are now going through divorce.
I left for another job opportunity that ended with harassment, met my current boyfriend and got pregnant with my first child to be born October.
Today, BF started school and I end up to doing alone. In at the end of week 24. I have my own little business for home cooked food where I work 11-12h daily for 5 days, then sell it all on farmers markets on the two days left on weekends. He doesn't want to work and due to his late bills we are now $4700 in debt.
I can't provide more than I do now ($400 gross weekly income) and it could provide us both with food, but not bills.
I'm 33yo and at risk with the pregnancy.
I feel lost. Hopeless. His mom thinks he's right. He keeps thinking God will help eventually, I told him God doesn't help those who don't help themselves.
Things were slowly getting worse, this week I am already hungry for food. Instead of ga Ning weight, I keep losing whatever I manage to gain. So far baby seems to grow well but I'm scared it will get hurt as time goes by.
I started taking vitamins only twice a week just to stretch them.
I'm already supported by WIC but can't have food stamps as the state I'm in requires 5 years stay in the US minimum.
I'm depressed (clinically) and feel very lost. I do all I can but I don't have enough hours a day to do more. I do t rest, barely eat and rarely sleep. Sigh.
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