Emotional Rant

LaToya • ✨🙏🏾💫
I know I've mentioned that I'm spotting in another post, and I don't know why. I'm also starting to have pelvic pains and a lot of bloating.  I can't seem to turn my mind off about it.  I want so badly to take a pregnancy test, but I already know it'll be negitive.  AF just ended her visit on 6/7.  I started testing for ovulation on 6/8.  All the ovulation test were negative, including the one I took this morning.
If I go to the doctor and find out the pelvic pains I'm having are related to the tumor and not a pregnancy, I'll be devastated.  I keep wondering if I was stupid to believe that I could do this - I could give the man I love a baby after I was told I would never have another child, 3 years of ago.  It's a miracle I'm still alive, I was also told I wouldn't be.  When my doctor finally told me I could conceive a child in March, it was a another miracle!   
I don't mean to doubt God.  He could have let me die, He didn't.  I have to trust that this pain and this spotting is implantation. I have to be patient until June 25th, which is the day I'm supposed to take a pregnancy test this month.  And if its negitive, there's always next month! 
OK, I feel better now. Just had to get that out of my system.