Am I Even Needed?

Question

So, my little girl was born yesterday morning at 5:56am and I love her to death. We're still in the hospital until tomorrow morning and I'm just feeling pretty useless. Since me and my fiancé aren't married yet I have no legal rights to my child in the state of Pennsylvania. I have to fill out 3 pages worth of paper work just to get rights. The birth certificate won't even list that I exist on it, and to get it amended will involve more paperwork and more time. I attempted to help her breastfeed (the lactation consultant gave us advice on what I could do to assist her), but when I attempted to do it I got fussed at by my fiancé. All I can do is change diapers really; which is something my fiancé is capable of doing even without my presence. I know it has everything to do with utero and skin to skin contact, but my baby hardly seems to ever want me to do anything to her. I know mom plays an important role, but I'm just feeling pretty unnecessary right now and I don't like it. This is my little girl as well and id like to feel like I'm useful and am necessary for her development during this early stages of her life; not just added support to help mom, but legitimately useful to my daughter. I don't know what to do.

Answer

You seem like your heart is in it which is all that matters. Mom and baby just went through something pretty traumatic... The first week or two they'll be clinging to each other. The best thing you can do is do everything in your power to lower the stress of everyone. Help mom. Start practicing dad jokes. Baby is going to be pretty needy for awhile, and most of their needs come from mom.

Keeps things clean, bring mom water and her phone (both of these seem to always be in some other room), make sure Drs appts, groceries, etc are managed.

Mom and baby will come out of her haze in a couple weeks. Baby will start to be alert and playful after a month or so. That's when things get fun. Until then focus on surviving :)

Answer

You absolutely will be needed.  Things you can do right now (and into the future) include talking a lot to your baby girl. It has become more and more recognized how important it is for babies' brain development to be surrounded by language early on.   Note that you can also do skin to skin.  And I'm sure that her mom will eventually appreciate you changing diapers- there will be a lot more in the weeks ahead.  Learn how to swaddle the baby well (tightly, with the arms down at the side) and that will help a lot.

I wouldn't minimize the amount of benefit you'd be providing to your baby by providing continued support to her mom.  The first few days are incredibly stressful (especially until the milk comes in, if mom is breastfeeding), the more sleep and support mom gets, the better environment you're providing for baby.  I know it's not as satisfying as being able to provide direct nourishment the way that moms can, but it's absolutely critical.

The first few weeks can be incredibly stressful - nobody gets enough sleep, and  it's largely a blur of  pooping, peeing, feeding, changing, and sleeping.  (For both the parents and the babies!)  And even though babies are cute at this age, they don't really do much, so you don't get the rewards of smiles and laughs that you'll see a few months down the road.  But the older she gets the more and more important it will be for you to be involved with her development, and the more rewarding it will become.  Just remember this, when you're feeling stressed or unneeded in the next few days.  You're not necessarily gonna get thanked a lot over the next few weeks (because the mom is probably stressed out to), but if you're there for both baby and mom over the next few months the rewards will eventually come.

Answer

My situation was a bit different, my wife had a emergency c section so it was up to me to take care of her and the baby.  
It may not seem like it but you can definitely help out by doing a lot of other stuff.
Changing nappies and talking with your baby while doing so, I do it all the time.  Having skin on skin contact and cuddling her.  Giving your wife a break by looking after the baby when it's not feeding time so she can get quick naps in between.  
Just try and be present when you can, the situation about not being on the birth certificate seems wild to me but I'm in the UK so it's a bit different here.  It'll get better over time, as she gets older you can do more things with your child.  Mine is 8 months right now and we have daddy daughter days where I take her out for the day so my wife gets a break.
I'm sure you'll have times where you can spend quality time too, it's a marathon not a sprint, take your time and you'll get into the swing of things soon.  All the best in the future.

Answer

Nope! You aren't /needed/. Babies are resilient, and I bet momma is tough and strong.

But you can make things better. Both baby and momma will want to have meltdowns. There's never enough time, sleep, hands. Just being around to do the needful can be the difference between an aweful and awsome time.

For the first few days, babies are pretty quiet, sleep a bunch, and generally are pure bundles of joy. Around 6 weeks, you hit peak crying. I have a feeling you won't be asking if you're useful then.

Keep doing your best, it'll be appreciated (if not immediately)!

Answer

You definitely matter. My husband helped out for about 3 days before he lost interest. Our daughter is now 5 months old and will not stay with him for more than 10 minutes.
The first few weeks are awful and supporting mom = supporting baby. Make sure she remembers to eat, take the baby from her so she can shower, etc.

Diaper changes help you bond with baby since mom is doing all the feeding. Talk to your girl, sing to her, get her used to you :)

Am I Even Needed?

Let's Glow!

The Top Baby Tracker App: Embrace New Beginnings with Tender Care

The Top Fertility Tracker App: Your Path to Achieving Pregnancy

The Top Pregnancy App: Nurturing Your Journey to Motherhood

The Top Period Tracker for Empowering Your Menstrual Health Journey