So... This happened Ladies I need help

Ok so a couple days ago I made a huge motha effin mistake and had unprotected sex Yes I'm not proud because that's the one thing I promised my body I wouldn't risk, and my boyfriend is beating up on himself because he knows he shouldn't of gave into me... I'm nasty anyway! When he was inside me (he's my first) it hurt like hell! He could only go in a lil and it hurt I made him stop. I don't know why it hurts like he says I'm half a virgin... And I kinda don't want him inside me again because I might tear up and I don't know what to do. Next time it's gonna be protected but I just... I'm mad at myself and I need advice to why it hurt so bad is there something wrong... Also can you bleed from your first time? Honestly I thought I got my period but I didn't it was just blood... Ew vaginas are gross I don't like mine rn tbh cx