Crush...I'm so lost

My boyfriend  was always constantly yelling at me and criticizing and lecturing me about everything! and I ended up hanging out with a guy that I work with because he offered to talk. One thing led to another and we ended up kissing. And I know I should feel bad but I don't. My boyfriend and I are trying to work things out but I don't know if I actually want to. I've always tried to avoid conflict by doing what everyone wants and I don't know if I'm doing that or if I actually want to work it out. And to be honest I can't stop thinking about the kiss I had with my coworker. How can I really truly figure out what would be best for me. I'm 18 and still so young and want to have fun but I also want to think about my future.