MIL/baby name issues. Am I overreacting?

Question

FTM here. I'll keep it short because I'm sure many will understand how MIL stories could never end. My husband is Tibetan and I'm Caucasian. His family has a lot of pride in their culture, which I support. In picking a name for our son, we've chose Marcus Tsogyel, the latter being my husband's proper Tibetan first name. Well, my MIL insists on calling the baby Tsogyel and is getting upset at me for correcting her. She does the same to his sister who's 5 year old daughter has a non-Tibetan first name and Tibetan middle name. (At this point the sister has stopped even trying to correct her or say anything.). Am I overreacting in getting upset/being bothered by this?

Answer

I'm a mixed culture child, my mom is Cuban and my dad is all American, German decent. This is what I've found.... My mom has nicked named all of us. My name came be said I both... Not a big problem... She also calls me "mu".  My husband is Rob, mom calls him Robertico.  My cat that recently passed was Bailey, she called him Poncho.  No one is safe. My nieces and nephews have had some of their names changed, mostly out of endearment.  I think you have to change your perspective.  In my case, calling them by their middle name swells her with pride because it honors her.  It's easier for her to pronounce and she feels comfortable saying it.  It will also keep your children immersed in their culture.   My middle name is Caridad, patron st of Cuba, the only ones who use it are my mom and a couple of her friends... It's special.     I know it can be annoying,  especially, if it's your MIL... But take a min and see if she is doing it for other reasons that just to annoy you.  I hope it all works out!

Answer

Personally, I think you have every right to correct her. This is YOUR child with your husband. It's disrespectful to both of you and undermines your authority. The only name she can choose when it comes to your child is what SHE wants to be called as the grandmother.

If she wasn't there to make the child, she shouldn't get to name it 😉

Answer

Not over reacting. When we told my husbands parents our little mans name would be Dalton she said "oh I don't like that can I call him Dale?"  My husband and I very quickly and sternly said absolutely not. She went on and on about how she didn't like it and felt it was "a big name for a baby". I eventually said " well I don't like the name Christopher and think it's a big name for a baby but you don't see me calling him John" lol. Chris is one of my husbands brothers. She shut up after that. She probably still doesn't like it but not my problem, not her child. Stick to your guns and don't let her use a name you don't like.

Answer

I don't think you're over reacting..and I see how she could be doing this to be stuck in her ways with what she culturally aligns to...however there's a big part of me that thinks it's kind of sweet that grandma will be calling the baby a special name. That may be crazy idk. Your baby is Marcus and you will introduce him as Marcus and that's what he will go by with his friends throughout his life, and then grandma will call him by his middle name and I think that's just a special and sweet little thing, no? I totally understand the frustration since she's purposely pushing against what you've chosen as his first name, but try and put this spin on it and maybe it will not seem like such a big deal

Answer

Yes you have a right to be upset it's up to you and your partner that you name your child and if you don't want her calling him by his second name then she should respect that....  My Mil is rude and wants to step in she hates the idea that we are naming our son after my partners father (her husband)  she keeps saying it's going to be weird she said I should name him Thomas because my daughter likes Thomas the tank engine but I'm like umm NO their last name is Thomas and I'm not naming my son Thomas Neil Thomas that's just stupid anyway Its annoying people should respect your choice...  My Mil wanted to nickname my daughter tink but I said no her name is lillie

Answer

You're not overreacting. I'd continue to correct her and  tell her you don't want your son getting confused and that its disrespectful to you and your husband to go against your wishes in this way.

Answer

I understand where your frustration is coming from. However. I think that as long as you are happy with the name you're giving your son, that allowing your MIL to call him by his middle name is okay. It will be a way for them to bond, and connect as your son gets older - and it's likely no one else will ever call him by his middle name, especially since it's Tibetan.  I'm Vietnamese/Caucasian and wasn't given a Vietnamese name. My cousins have them, even though they have American/English first names that they go by, and growing up I felt left out that I didn't have a Vietnamese name to be called by - it made me feel distant from my culture. That's just my experience though!

Answer

No I don't think u are overacting once u and your husband has come to an agreement that's all that really matters. But your MIL needs to be respectful the decission as u and hubby are the parents. You already honored their culture with a name what more does she want or need. Pls stand your ground with your wishes todays your baby.

Answer

My mil has a very strong delta accent & I absolutly loath the way she pronounced my sons 1st name. He's 4.5 & we've only ever called him by his middle name while she insisted on mispronouncing his first name. She wouldn't listen to me & my husband had to talk to her about it. She still won't call him by his middle name. But calls him 'Z' the first letter of his first name. It annoyed me at first but is soooooo much better than the mispronounced crap.

Answer

Let her nickname your child whatever she wants, you decide what's goes on the birth certificate.

MIL/baby name issues. Am I overreacting?

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