Am I a bad sister..?

Question

My older sister is having her second child today and I'm not even allowed at the hospital or around even after she has my niece today... 
A few months ago we got into it bcc I told her she needed to straighten her sh*t up bcc she lives with my father and is treated like a princess, is married but separated, slept with my husbands bestfriend at my wedding and got pregnant while still married to her husband, has been with multiple guys since getting pregnant and can't stand my husband bcc we have done everything by the book with no help from my father or any other family...

We fought bcc I told her she should punish her 1 years old for calling people names... Not like poopy head and names like that... I'm talking jack*ss, c*unt, b*tch... She said she's proud of her kid (which is understandable in normal situations) and is raising her to be a free spirit with no bounds and proudly TAUGHT her child to say these things to adults... And I remember times when we were younger that we got spanked, put in timeout and grounded for cussing by my father and yet she is also allowing it...

Since that day we haven't spoken and I haven't seen my niece... I've also been told I'm not allowed to know any details about the birth what so ever...

So am I a bad sister..? Should I feel guilty about expressing my concerns for my niece (bcc I already do) or should I just not have said anything about it and let it slide..?

(I also have a 1 year old who is 6 months younger than my niece to the day...)

Update----
 I understand that she's free to raise her children how she wants... Im just am trying to wrap my head around why it's fine for her to go around calling my husband a POS to complete strangers when her husband was on drugs during her first pregnancy and I was there to support her the hold time without judging her for staying with him... She also keeps telling me I need to leave my husband bcc he's 5 1/2 years older than me bcc she believes the women should be the older one in the relationship so she can control everyone yet we have been together for the last 4 years and she just recently started says these things since my father moved from a different state to 6 blocks away from me to be closer to his grand babies... Yet I see him once every 6 months and told to him just about as much... And he's 6 blocks away... I call and he don't answer or call back for days, sometimes even weeks but can post videos and pictures of his "fun weekend with his girls" and tag both my sisters in it and I'm not invited...
Update #2--- I don't want an "it's her child" speal bcc let's admit it everyone does it to each other whether they admit it or not... I just want the honest opinion of whether I should feel guilty for what I've done (and yes I deserve it)  or should I just suck it up and move on bcc at this point reconciling is out of thw question... There is no going back to what we had before...

Answer

You have a right to your opinion ( btw it's probably an opinion most of us have ) but either way it's her life. I seriously would stay away though. If her life if spiralling out of control I'd keep my young child away from it. Be there if she needs you, but other then that I'd just let her be. You can't help someone that doesn't want help.

Answer

I don't think you're a bad sister. She shouldn't be letting her child act like that. However, it's not your kid and if you want to be apart of their lives then just be nice and don't say anything about it. Someone else will eventually say something to her. When those kids go to school she will be called up to the school every day for that behavior. Let someone else be the bad guy so you get to be in the kids lives.

Answer

Her not allowing you at the birth or to visit later is her way of punishing you, not that you're a bad sister. Truthfully if I saw all that happening with my sister, I'd say something to her too. If it was some other person I just knew, I probably wouldn't say anything to them. But with a sister, you've been raised together, grew up together, are closer and you'll always be family no matter what the arguement. At least that's the way I think it should be.

And teaching your child to swear and call people names is NOT raising them to be a "free spirit". That's raising them to be such little assholes that people hate to see them coming.

Answer

It takes a village. For all of us to raise our children. Half the reason the world is the way it is, is because everyone has decided stay out of things. (speaking as a parent and educator) There is a fine line to cross, trust me I know. However, a one year old should not be taught to curse. You are well within your limit as a loving sister to gently and respectfully voice your opinion. When I was younger I knew that if I acted any way other hand the way I was being raised by my parents, they would surely find out. I would also be gently reprimanded on the spot, be it family, friend or neighbor. I'm grateful for those life lessons.

"Your children are not your children/They are the sons and the daughters of life longing for itself/they come through you/but they are not for you/and though you are with them/they belong not to you" - On Children by Sweet Honey In The Rock

With those lyrics, I always remember I am raising my children for the world and I owe it to others to raise human beings that will be productive citizens. I hope it all works out for you.

Answer

It's not your kid. And though I agree with your side of things, if someone told me how to raise my baby they wouldn't be there for the birth of my second.

You may not agree with her choices, but they really aren't any of your business. If you want to be in her kids lives you're going to have to stop judging and keep your mouth shut.

Answer

My sister and I raise our children very differently I'm more like you and my sister is more like your sister... I've also done something similar by blowing up on her and telling her things people normally keep quiet we didn't talk for 2 years after that but we always let each other see our kiddos they shouldn't be affected... My nephews all know while they are in my house or around my child they cannot cuss and my sister is ok with it (after a long time she finally got her ish together) they understand their mom lets them do things that I find extremely disrespectful. And for the record my 4 nephews all love being with me and my husband even though they're not allowed to misbehave we take them to church and just take them outside and do things my sister doesn't do with them.... She's also learning it on her own some of our family have stopped going to the boys bday parties and just send gifts after my 8 year old nephew was allowed to rap multiple lil Wayne songs that were very explicit at his 6 year old brothers party... Point being is what you said probably needed to be said but if you want to fix things between her you should apologize (except for the part where she talks about your husband to others that not ok) and learn to accept that it's her life her kids and all you can do is be the best aunt and example to your nieces you can be they're little now but when they get older they will start to want to be more like you... Not sure if this helped at all but I hope it did!

Answer

Sounds like you're the Debbie Downer of the family which is why nobody wants you around. Just try to keep your comments to yourself. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all.

Answer

You're not a bad sister but you also don't have a RIGHT to know any details. That's not your child you have no pull when it comes to any decisions.

Answer

No it doesn't make you a bad sister. Probably means you actually care. I told my cousin the same thing, that her and her boyfriend needed to get it together, stop smoking weed with their child in the car, get jobs, etc. Now I'm not allowed to see their son (who is my godson).

Answer

It sounds to me like your kinda jealous of your sister. You talk down about her. Maybe she doesn't want you around because you're judgmental. It seems like you think you're better than her and that your jealous of her relationship with your dad. You should feel bad. Just because in your eyes your life is better it doesn't give you the right to talk shit about hers.

Am I a bad sister..?

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