I'm incredibly depressed. I constantly wish I wasn't here. I'd rather have a different life. Different family. Different friends. I feel so invisible all the time I feel like it'd be easier to dissappear. I love life so much. I want to experience cultures rich with history. See the beauties of this world. But I just feel so useless here. I don't know what kind of a life this is. An industrialized world. When all I want to do is explore and experience. I want to be a free spirit. I'm suppose to be going to college in LA but I just stare at the ceiling in my apartment all day. I hate sitting in those bullshit classes. I want to learn Japanese and Spanish and the philosophy of Any Rand. I want to learn astronomy and physics. Neuroscience and Latin. I teach all of this to myself...but I can't bring myself to some stupid conformed classroom with some ass hole with a label talking at the front of the class. Laying on my bed motionless, gazing into nothing at the ceiling is no better. How can I love life again? How can I bring myself to face my family and friends to tell them I need something other than what they want for me? How can I be happy again