I found out I was pregnant earlier this month.  The father is a very good friend of mine. We tried dating earlier this year, but there just didn't seem to be a future because he has all these big plans to travel and live in other parts of the country, etc. I understand.  So when I told him I was pregnant earlier in the month he freaked. He told me he wasn't ready to be a dad. That there were so many things he wanted to do first . That he didn't plan on being involved with our baby at all. So I took a step back. I told him that he should think about that because I thought down the road he would regret having nothing to do with his child. I decided to continue under the assumption I'd be a single mom. And boy does planning for that make you worry.... A lot.

We've kept in minimal contact. He's offered to bring me food or help with chores around my house when I'm tired. I keep him posted on Drs apts and any new information I get . 

Today we had a very good heart to heart conversation that he initiated. He thanked me for being patient with him and understanding the best I could while he was freaking out a bit. He told me that after a lot of soul searching he really wants to be an actual dad to our child. Not a every other weekend type of dad. A full blown, spending every second he can with his child, dad. He also said that he wants his child to grow up in a home with two parents who love eachother and are there for their child. I told him I agree but I just didn't see that working with our different lifestyles and goals, but that I was all for him being as involved as he could and that I would never deny him time with his child and the ability for the three of us to do 'family' activities .

His response broke my heart... In a beautiful way.

He told me that the point of traveling and experiencing all of those different things was to find his place and the things that make him feel happy and whole. But that with me and his child here, he doesn't need to go anywhere else to find that. His family is here now, and that's where he belongs.  In my 29 years of life, No one has ever even remotely said anything like that to me before. 

Of course there's a part of me waiting the other shoe will drop. Will he change his mind? Will he later feel like he's missing out? Will he feel like he settled? He's not normally a flip flopper but you never know what will happen. Will he think he can do better later? 

I don't know

But I do know that we all deserve the opportunity to find out. Not just for the sake of our baby but for our own happiness as well. So who knows, maybe it's just for the time being, and I'll be heartbroken 6 months from now because he just leaves wanting bigger things in life. But for right now , for the first time in this pregnancy I really don't feel like I'm alone. And I feel a million pounds lighter!❤️