Finally left my 3 year night mare.

Not shortly after our 6th month, he got even more controlling. I had "rules," and this is what they were:

1. I was not allowed to wear makeup. None at all. Zero. 

2. I was no longer allowed to go hang out with my

Girlfriends by myself. He told me that they were sluts, and that they are only trying to get me to cheat on him. 

3. I was not allowed to be around his friends because I was an apparent slut that was always checking them out. Every time he went to a friends house (I was not allowed to be at home by myself because he thought I was cheating) I had to wait in the car while he went in and smoked weed with them. There were days where it was 90 degrees and over, and then there were days where the windchill was -10 and he took the keys in with him when he went in. 

3. I wasn't allowed to have Facebook. 

4. I was not allowed to go on trips with my parents unless he went. 

5. I could only go to work if he felt like I deserved to go. (WTF!!!)

6. I wasn't allowed to dress up/ look nice.

There was much more to all of this, but these were the main ones. 

During this 3 year night mare, I was called every name in the book: Slut, retard, stupid fuck, idiot, ugly, disgusting, everything. I'd been hit and slapped more times than I could count. He tried to start heated arguements in public or at my place of work, and threatened to stab anyone who tried to intervene. He said that my parents weren't shit and were stupid, worthless people that didn't even deserve to be here. Yet, they paid all his meals, took him on trips with us, let him sleep in THEIR house, and so much more. I had my personal items broken, stolen, etc. my phone screen was shattered numerous times, and he had broken a tv of mine as well. 

You know what's even more crazy? We weren't even living together. He was doing all of this to me in my own house. He would come over uninvited and act crazy. 

I know what most of you are thinking- why would you stay in that relationship and not leave? Well, you never truly understand until you've been in the position. I was literally terrified for mine and my loved ones lives. He told me several times that if I had ever left him he would hurt/ kill everyone I know.

I have a restraining order that took effect today, and it feels like a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I finally have my life back after having my happiness drained from me for so long. Sorry if this sounds like a rant and is not allowed here, but I just want any girls that are going through the same thing to know that you aren't alone. Abusive in a relationship, no matter if it's verbal or physical, is terrifying. You put all of you into one person, only to find out they weren't worth it in the end. But it's okay. 

I'm 21 and still have the rest of my life ahead of me. I still have time to find my soul mate, I still have time to have children someday, and I will still make something of my life. I am NOT a victim, but a survivor. To all the girls out there that are going through the same thing, YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER. I am here to listen to anyone who needs it.

God bless. ♥️