Just needing to vent
So this is the first post I've made because I usually just 'look and listen' here.
My husband and I were married early February of this year. We tried to avoid getting pregnant but even using the 'pull out' method isn't %100. But we knew that, and on Febuary 18th I took a yet and it came back positive. The emotional flooded. First came panic, then for some reason a little sadness, then so much excitement I couldn't contain it. It was the very next day that I started to bleed. Of course, this was new to me and I was worried so I consulted my OB and she said bleeding is normal but to call if it gets heavy or if I pass any clots. Well the next few days I passed three clots. One of which I feel was my child. I spent the next 4 weeks, one late nighter in the ER from heavily bleeding, in and out of the doctors. Every time I would go in they'd tell me the same thing. 'Your HcG levels are lowering but not at a normal rate, we still aren't sure, please come back in a couple of days for another blood test.' And after doing this over and over and over, never being able to truly morn or even know what was going I I finally said no more. I knew what had happened. The problem I have is that this seems to be only one sided, my husband has never mentioned anything on the subject. Even during the time he never showed he really was interested. I haven't had anyone tell me that it is okay to be truly heart broken about my lose. For a small moment I had everything I wanted. I felt this was everything falling into place, and I only had a day to look at myself and my glow. It's been hard. Harder than I ever imagined. I have no one to talk to about this. Anytime I bring it up to my husband he turns it into something else and somehow it ends in a fight. I feel bad that I keep bringing it up but I really need to get it off my chest.