What do you do when...

I am 30 weeks today with my 5 pregnancy. There is so much to tell, but none of it important to my question and point...

During my 2 pregnancy I had a slip and fall; doctors have finally figured out 6 years later, that the fall dislocated and damaged my SI joints (the joint that keeps your hips attached to your spine for proper support and alignment). Yes it's very painful. And I can't be on my feet for more than 45 minutes at a time before the pain is unbearable.

Before getting pregnant with baby 5 I was having symptoms of gallbladder failure though doctors couldn't determine with testing that was the culprit for the pain. Baby 5, Simon, well he surprised us all by his arrival (conception). So every test that we were going to do was obviously stopped. Which wasn't so bad because by week 10 most of the symptoms had subsided. I wish they would have stayed that way for the duration of the pregnancy. 😫

Now, not only is my gallbladder failing with nothing they can do (I can't even take pain medication), but my spleen seems to be enlarging and giving me problems too. I've adjusted diet that helps gallbladder symptoms, but still have spleen problems... And I mentioned the excruciating SI joint problem too right?

I love being pregnant. I love feeling my babies living inside of me. But I'm just not sure I can take 10 more weeks like this. I can't lay down on either side without pain, I can't lay on my back. I can sit reclined, but only for so long before my back is fired up. I can't stand for to long and walking is literally a killer. And I'm told there is nothing that can be done. I'm just going to have to figure out how to cope with the pain.

So. What do you do when your body screams every moment of every day? What do you do when people around you, that love you, try to convince you diet isn't an issue? What do you do when you want a little reprieve by CONSIDERING an early delivery (no more than 37 weeks), but everyone thinks your are over reacting or not thinking straight because you aren't thinking of your child first? What do you do when people tell you you shouldn't have gotten pregnant with the problems you're having, not knowing that this wasn't planned and a shock to us all? How do I get my mind right to be able to parent and school a 9, 5, & 3 yr. old in the midst of this? How do I communicate to my doctor that I'm scared and in a lot of pain, wanting to discuss what I can do to get to a point to safely deliver my baby and yet not feel like I have to kill a part of myself to do it? I do I explain to my husband that I'm dying here and I need his support to keep both our best interest at heart?

I don't want to deliver my baby early, causing problems for him forever. But I do want to feel like I can talk about it without being labeled a mom who doesn't care about life. Simon is our rainbow baby. I would never make a decision that would harm him. But I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 10 weeks.