Every month I get caught up in working and being a wife and just life in general that as badly as I want and we try for a baby I try to forget it and not focus on it but there is always that nagging little thought that like obsessively tracks if im late at all or if my body is gaining weight differently instead of normal bloating for my period and if my pms cravings are some kind of weird baby sign and it drives me nuts because if I even bother to get my hopes up and take a test it is ALWAYS a big fat fucking negative and I get disappointed even though I know better. It doesn't help that my body is changing because I'm hitting 26 and I've gained 22 lbs and look healthy and my cravings are changing and my skin is reacting differently now and I just feel hopeless. And if you can possibly imagine me saying this all in one breath then you would understand the lack of proper grammar lol. I guess I just needed to vent because af is due in 2 days and im getting depressed.