I haven't spoken out much about myself or my situation to many people or more like anyone but I read most of you ladies post and I think to myself that there are some really nice women on here and that maybe I can find some inspiration to keep going cause loosing my best friend my soul mate the other part of me just before we can speak again and finalize our wedding and left with no answers I want to give up everyday I want to scream in the beginning I didn't even want to be a mother anymore. everyday I wake up and it's reality that he's gone forever our eldest doesn't ask for him anymore after he passed on its like she just knew and it hurts me that she doesn't ask for him but I know it's better that way. Sadly our baby only knows him now through pictures that hurts  but I know she is too young to know and understand. I'm so confused everyday I smile in pictures cause it's what we're taught to do when actually I rather just keep my bitch face on and talk to no one.