Ugh. Im a mess

I'm stressed out so badly.

Im finalizing my divorce . I'm in a relationship and so is my ex husband , we're totally okay with it. Anyway.

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year. Yesterday he decided to take a nap because I took too long in the bathroom. (Bs) so he napped for almost 3 hours and the hour before that I tried waking him up with a blow job. He got aroused but he couldn't keep his eyes open and he's like let me nap a little more and then we can get it in. So I waited patiently. I thought he was going to initiate since I did, but he didnt. He thought I was going to wake him up with head again. I told him I wanted to talk to him since I've been doing a lot of thinking. I start talking and paused for a bit, he's like are you done? And I looked at him like, seriously? I told you i wanted to talk he gets up and starts heading to the backyard. I got upset and said I wasn't done! He got mad. Because he doesn't like it when I talk to him as he walks away. So I follow him outside and we sit down and start talking but he had a massage to do so my time was limited. I told him we can talk after the massage and he agreed. But we kept talking, and I paused again to think and he's like are you done? But before I can answer he was already walking away. That got me mad! So I'm like " ya know, that's not nice. I don't want to feel pushed away" (I've been ridiculously emotional btw) so we go inside he gets his stuff ready and we're in the car. Silence. So I turn to him and im like, please be nice. And he shakes his head. I arrive at my parents house and we start talking. He's like you should have approached me differently, He basically said I don't get to my point fast enough. And I was like everything I had to say would have only taken 20 minutes and he's like okay talk. So I did. He got mad. He's like, seriously ? It was basically about our sex life, dates and going to more therapy. (We lost our baby girl) He told me he was emotionally distressed and that completly caught me off guard. It's like, I wasn't arguing with you but simply talking to you. I even said I would wait after you're done with your client. He said he needed space from me. And he said he hoped I had all my thoughts in order by the time he comes back. We said our goodbyes. So his massage is done and he's like don't expect me to rush back and get you. I waited and waited. Finally he picks me up. (We live together btw) we park and start talking. He asks me to stay at my parents house for the night. At fist I was hurt but then agreed because he was upset and so was I. I grabbed a few things and went to my parents house.

Everything was going good. I fall asleep and recieved a phone call at 4 in the morning . I thought it was him using a friend's phone. (He was drinking, assumed his phone died) so I answered. I heard nothing and hung up. I get the call again, nothing. I accidently tapped the call back and hung up right away. Got the call again and ignored it. So I call him to verify if his phone was dead. It wasnt. He didnt pick up, until the second time I called. I asked him If he called me and he said no. I told him about the call. And he's like did anyone say anything ? I said no. He asked if they left a voice mails, i said no . Then he's like how did you think it was me if a picture pops up when I call? So I told him. That wasn't enough for him. He starts accusing me that I'm being shady. He said well talk in the morning when he picks me up. I got a text from the number and asking if I could hear them. I Googled the number, it was an escort page number! I was like wtf, I'll tell him in the morning. I go back to sleep and recieved a message from him saying we needed to talk. So I call him. He tells me he can't believe I picked up the phone instead of letting it go to voicemail. I said I was sorry. He said he was going to look at our phone logs to see if I'm lying. I said go ahead, because I wasnt. Told him about the text and that i Googled the number and what I found. He got more mad. (I think someone used my phone on like sex pages, i got 2 texts a few days ago) I told him i blocked the calls and texts and ill be changing my number today. He was so mad and said he didn't want to see me. How can he trust me? At that point I'm crying and puking. ( were ttc and im a week late and feeling all the symptoms) im begging him to pick me up and he said no. That we'll talk when he wakes up. I said okay. So I'm minding my own buissnes at my parents house. And I open the freezer, my frozen breast milk is gone. I saved that milk because I was going to donate to babies in the hospital. And I was going to get a necklace done with that milk in honor of our daughter. I start shaking. I called my dad and he told me he threw it out. I was livid. I tried calming down. I end up calling him and he seems okay and tries calming me down. He hung up on me because he had to puke and said he would call back. He didnt so I called back. He's like im in the backyard , text me. He hangs up. I'm srill crying over the breastmilk. I start texting him to please come get me already I just want to go home. He said no. That he's still not happy and needs space still. He said he's sorry about the milk but hes not going to go and save me because I'm upset. That made me even more upset. Ugh. We kept on texting and he's like i dont know what you'll say to me to make this relationship better. And that he's still upset and to talk to my dad and fix it. I told him that I am going to talk to him. I understand wanting space but honestly i dont know what to do. I'm stressed over the divorce and getting my stuff back from VB, figuring out if I'm pregnant, took 2 tests and both faulty. Im stressed over trying to make our relationship better. I'm ridiculously torn over the breast milk. I've been puking since yesterday and I can't hold food down. I'm so freaking upset. I just want to talk to my dad and go home with my man. Ughhh.