My husband and I only dated for a few months before getting engaged. Reason #1 why I feel like a selfish person: I never got an engagement ring. I look at all of these beautiful rings and have shown him pictures of the styles I like. I don't even want a diamond one, I found a beautiful gemstone one that I love and down the road we could replace the stone with a diamond if we wanted to. But after 5 years, still no ring.

So back to my story. A few months after getting engaged, I found out we were pregnant. Tentative wedding was put on hold. My parents have wanted us to get married in the Catholic Church and I am not overly religious and my husband isn't Catholic, and there is also a possibility that he may need to get an annulment from his first marriage to be able to do this anyway. I don't want to get married in the church, but this would be the only way my parents would attend. So if you are still reading this, you'll notice I did call him my husband. We are technically married in the eyes of the state as we had a small wedding outside on a cold day in October. My parents did not attend nor did any of my family as it was against their beliefs. Reason #2 why I am selfish: I want a real damn wedding! I never got to wear a wedding dress, my dad never got to walk me down the aisle, never had a bridal shower or bachelorette party, etc. I have a cousin that is getting married in October and everyone in my family (especially my mother) is all excited about it and she gets to have everything I never did because she's getting married in the church. I feel like I can't go or feel happy for her because I am so resentful of my family for not being happy for me. My husband and I had our son in November of 2012 and are currently ttc #2 for me and #3 for him. My family was definitely NOT excited about my pregnancy before because I was not married and having sex outside of wedlock. My mom even told me when I was pregnant that she didn't think she could love my baby like she loved her other grandchild (my sister's daughter)--she does love my son very much though and they have a special bond. I feel like if I got pregnant again, none of them would be happy for me this time around as well so I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut. I got no baby shower thrown for me because "you don't celebrate a mother who gets pregnant out of marriage."

So after all of that, I feel like I am horribly selfish for wanting a ring, a wedding, and a happy pregnancy. Thank you for reading my therapy session and rant. I don't have friends to talk to so it is nice to get it out.