I think my marriage is breaking since we've lost our daughter.
My husband and I have known each other since we were kids and have always been best friends,always been there for each other. It hasnt passed a day in neary 5 years since we've been together where we didnt say I love you and we've meant it every single time because we always just had each other. We've been through so many deaths like his dad or my cousins or our best friends but this time it feels even worse then all of those combined.
I've lost my daughter at 32 weeks without a reason given and ever since then I didnt talk to him. I know its my fault and all this guilt concerned the death of her and pushing him away makes me feel just beyond disgusting I'm trying but its like a big fat wall between us and its eating me alive because I wanna be there for him as well.
He's been through so incredibly much and so much hurt its really just incredible and he never ever talks to anyone about how he feels and he'd never cry in front of anyone but me and him having this emotional barrier always just turned into extreme anger.
Never towards us you dont need to say "be careful he could hurt you" but he wouldnt because he'd hurt himself only.
He used to take drugs back in the days because of all that shit he's been through we both know its not an excuse but even I stopped after we've lost 5 of our very best friends in a row.
Its just that we've never ever been distant towards each other we had problems but we've always been through it together but this time I just wasnt able to even look at him without breaking down and its been nearly 5 weeks now and he had to leave because of work for 5 days and now that he's back its even worse.
I just feel numb and emotionless and we barely even look at each other or even talk to each other I dont know whats wrong and people keep telling me "you have to talk to him" but they just dont understand why I cant.
I'm sorry this is so long but its so so much I want to say but not say at the same time.
He's a beyond loving and caring father and he'd do everything for our kids and he'd never let anyone harm them but I'm just scared he will go back to taking drugs and that would just ruin him completely this time.
He changed a lot since I was pregnant with our first baby he worked his ass off to give us everything and we really do have whatever materealistic stuff we could have imagined back then but I'm just so scared he will do something stupid.
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