😔 Just Venting 😣😡

Okay so me and my fiancé had a baby (he is 2 months now), after I had the baby I stayed inside because we both felt it wasn't time to bring our baby out yet. And when our baby boy was 5 weeks I decided I'm going outside with him to sit with my friend that has a daughter.(which is right across from our house, we live in a complex) anyways, so at first it was okay. Then all of a sudden it started to be a problem that I wanted to sit outside. After our son turned 8 weeks I had my first drink and I was outside enjoying myself and also had our son in his carriage and also watching our other 2 boys (7&3). He was outside too sitting at the basketball court with his friends drinking & smoking and he wasn't helping me at all. He just looked at me like handle the boys. So we went inside & 3 hours had passed so I was able to breastfeed and put the baby to bed & the big boys to bed as well. So the next day he has something to say. He says something about me feeding the baby that night saying I was lazy and just put him on the breast instead of giving him the bottle because I probably still had alcohol in my system. I did get mad and I told him I only had a cup of wine and my doctor said after 2-3 hours I Can feed the baby again because it's out of my system.(I count the hours if I had a drink, I feed him first then I'll drink alil but I don't do it daily). Everyday he can go sit outside with his friends and chill. He works late hours so he'll wake up sit with me for a hour & then go outside and hangout til it's time to go to go to work & on his days off he goes outside with them n chills til night when everyone sleep, he'll come inside to see if we're okay sits for a minute then goes back outside. But if I go outside its a problem I don't get it at all I always have our baby and he's outside with me as well as the older ones. Today I went to the park with my boys and then came back let them play outside and I sat in the back with the baby my bestfriend n her daughter n my mom. He came out and we talked and stuff he walked over to sit with his friends (basically our family) and he walked back over and I gave him the baby so he sat with me for awhile hour or two. He went inside he watched the baby until he had to go to work. He called me inside to say to me okay you need to stay inside and show the baby attention you've been outside all day  🤔🤔 . He had him for 3 hours I was right on the back porch and it was the first time I got me time since he was born and I always show my babies attention. I just thought he finally was getting daddy time because I always have him. He doesn't let me get my me time if I do it's a issue and I'm getting tired of it. I do everything for our kids clean & cook. On top of breastfeeding changing diapers etc. I don't complain because my kids need me and I love being a mom I'll do anything for my boys. It's just annoying that he can go have fun but if I do it im wrong for that or I'm a bad mom for having one drink. It's like I'm alone and my bestfriend/cousin sees that n tells me I need to enjoy myself sometimes because I'm a great mom and I do a lot my aunt says that n so does my other friend. But he juSt thinks I just want to party or something. My cousin is doing a ladies night just for me because she feels I deserve it. I would love that just to spend time but I feel he'll have a issue with it and it's not fair, he gets guy time daily like you can bring your son outside once in awhile n let me get a nap but no he feels it's my job because I'm the mom were both parents.