It's time to face reality..

No one will be able to tell that I am pregnant no matter how far along I get. I've always struggled with my weight and after losing 50 pounds I got pregnant. I've always wanted to have a baby bump when I got pregnant but it's time to face the reality that I am still overweight and I more than likely won't show even at 8 months along. The people closest to me know I'm pregnant but I wanted to feel pregnant and not just like I'm fat(if that makes sense?). When most people find out I'm pregnant I get these looks like really are you sure? And I have to hold back. Just last weekend I was talking to an old ex co worker and a gentleman over heard me say I was pregnant and he gave me this look he looked me up and down with a face that said yeah right. I've always felt unattractive and after being cheated on by my ex it's just made it worse. Even now with the guy I'm with I hate being even remotely exposed because I know I'm not even in the same ball park as what a man really wants and desires. I cover myself all the time hide when I change. Even in the shower I won't face him. I stay in one spot with my arms over as much of my rosy as they can cover and wait for him to get out before I shower. I'm always surrounded by women that are 100 times prettier than me with perfect bodies and drop dead gorgeouse. I wear makeup but that don't really help. I don't feel any prettier with it or without. I feel like people judge me when I wear it like they think I'm trying to be something I'm not(just by the looks I get). I envy the girls that have a baby bump and can show the world hey I'm pretty and pregnant.. I'm sure they don't feel that way all the time but that's how everyone else views them. I wished I could be viewed like that to. I've seen so many gorgeous girls in public and some maternity photo shoots but I know I probably won't do one for the simple fact that I won't even look pregnant. I could imagine the look on people's faces if I showed them a maternity picture. They would be like ok where's the baby belly or you don't look pregnant. I'm physically and mentally torn with myself over everything my confidence included. I put on a fake act around everyone pretending to be confident but at the back of my mind I know the truth. I'm not looking for sympathy or kind words I just want to know I'm not the only one who's felt like this at some point. And before someone says it's just pregnancy hormones I've been dealing with these issues long before pregnancy. I've been dealing with the internal conflict and struggle since I was in 4th or 5th grade. I'm 26 now and still battle with these demons everyday. Most days I feel like giving up and just stay to myself. I don't talk to anyone much anymore. Most people around me don't listen anyways or after talking to them for a few minutes I realize they aren't even the slightest bit interested so I just stop talking. They never notice. Sorry this turned out to be so long and everywhere I've just had a lot on my mind lately and have no where to turn to and no one in my life to confide in. I'm not like everyone else. I've always been the black sheep of the family so no one understands me or where I'm coming from or what I'm going through. Sorry again just needed to vent and rant and let some stuff out without having to worry about backlash from people in my life...