mommy troubles
I'm hoping this post won't start a debate on why I am not thankful for a healthy child when I am really happy and thankful. This post might be long but I really needed to get it off my chest and I cannot discuss it with anyone not even with my husband. I was the 4th daughter born to my mother and she was really hoping for a son. (She had one son before me and one after me). Her reaction has been rubbed into my face a million times since I was born and that was she didn't bother looking at me for hours when she came to know it's a girl. I was the unwanted child. Of course she had her precious son afterwards but I was the one who was ignored the most growing up. I never got along with my mother in my teens. The culture and background she belongs to made her the way she was. I do not blame her for that. She prefers sons over daughters any given day. Problem is she still prefers my older sisters over me and it kills me. I am having a 3rd son and she will be over the moon when she will find out. When I got pregnant this time and I was around 12 weeks she called me and said "I already know it's another boy for u and I hope you are not too serious for a baby girl. Boys are easier to raise and they start doing their own things at 13-14 and u can relax. Girls are a problem and u have to keep an eye on them all the time" ..!!! She said all this to her own daughter. Now that I know it's a boy I do not want to call her or talk to her as she would rub "I told you so" onto my face. When I say she prefers her other daughters I found it so awful that every time I call her she will talk about them and their problems and never me. My oldest sister and one after her was having some issues and she keeps on telling me she is praying so hard for them. It made me feel that me and my problems are not bigger. Last year I was working and I promised to send her some money in summer this year for something she wanted. It was a want and not a need. I lost my job in winter and this year in summer she called me and asked me for money even though she knew I went back to school and I am not working. I told my husband and he having the biggest heart said I'll arrange the money and sent to your mom and I called her and said I'll give it to u in September as I don't have it now. She kept on calling me until I got sick and tired and I ended up sending in August. I feel that if I had a daughter I would not have raised her with complexes like she gave me. Unfortunately I'm not having a girl so I don't know how to deal with my mother anymore. I thought once I have her in my life my relationship with my mom will look different but now I just don't know. I have stopped calling her coz her only question to me is how are u and then she talks about her other daughters or sons or herself. By the way I am having a 3rd baby and I have all boys
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