should I be upset? I have no idea how to react

Question

My SO has a very sexual sense of humour and flirts with other men as a joke, him and my stepdad do it all the time. Anyway, we were on a night out and this gay guy comes up to him and asks if he's gay. I tell him he's my boyfriend and he genuinely doesn't believe me. He said 'I'm a faggot so I can generally tell who else is and I would put money on him being a fag' and I just kind of laughed. So to prove his point this guy kissed my boyfriend and cupped his balls!! We all laughed and I was uncomfortable. My SO thought it was hilarious. He went off to have a wee and the gay guy said to me 'hunny he's gay. And you can do so much better' laughed and walked off. My friend was furious on my behalf saying that was totally inappropriate. My SO thought it was funny and reminded me that he's kissed plenty of guys. Which is fine that's our sense of humour around here (military humour I guess) But two straight guys kissing having a laugh is different because there's no romantic attraction to the gender. That's like a guy kissing me in front of him. It's weird right? Should I be worried?

***can I just add that I know humour is different in different areas and stuff but most males around here have that sense of humour. My stepfather and his friends are like this too so I'm not worried about that. What worries me is the fact that that guy was actually gay and so that makes me uncomfortable as it would if a girl did it. It was more the fact that he laughed it off and didn't think of the fact I might have been uncomfortable or say 'woah that's inappropriate' to the guy. I don't know I just feel like the boundaries for him and boundaries for me are different. I would never allow that to happen the other way around. If it was a guy kissing and touching me he would lose his shit😒

Answer

All of this is strange to me. My bf jokes like that and is also friends with gay men but he would never kiss another man. That's too far. And why isn't he weirded out by a complete stranger kissing him? Male or female that's not right.

Answer

Girl the writing is on the wall. Your guy likes men and is either gay or bisexual.

And what kind of places are you going where strangers can walk up to each other and kiss on the lips and grope each other?  I can't imagine a strange woman walking up to my SO and doing that, let alone another DUDE😳.

Talking about "faggots" this and "faggots" that with a table of people you don't know, makes no sense.

Answer

Um.

My husband is very understanding of sexuality - his best friend is gay and he is completely comfortable around those who are attracted to the same sex, but he would NEVER kiss or allow himself to be groped by another man. That isn't a "sense of humor". That is a massive red flag.

You need to have a serious conversation with him.

Answer

I'm sorry but WTF!!! . you don't see this as cheating. ??? You man kissing other men and flirting with them.  I think he is gay and tries to play it off as a joke because of whatever sick reason.

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yes you should be worried & you are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable that is a very uncomfortable situation. i mean of course you don't want a homophobic husband/boyfriend but also don't want to worry about if he's actually gay. mmm idk i feel weird that that. if i was you and many people may not agree with me on this but i would like catfish him or like if you have a gay friend he never met try to get him to approach him and see if he takes the bait lol idk i'm kinda sneaky tho but just a idea.

Answer

That's a very uncomfortable situation and I feel as if that "sense of humor" is just a way to hide how he really feels about men...I come from a military family and my fiancé is from one as well and with it being so strict maybe he feels he can't come out as gay or bi. I would be suspicious and extremely uncomfortable also with the fact that he's kissed plenty of men and that the gay guy said he was definitely a "faggot" gay guys are usually correct about that stuff.. just watch I guess. Mm I cannot shake the feeling of how strange that is.

Answer

Gay stuff aside.. if anyone, man or woman, kissed my husband and he not only let it happen but laughed i would be making said balls into a lovely pair of earrings.

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maybe he's bisexual

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Uhhh if a gay man came up to my SO and kissed him, he'd probably be in jail...he wouldn't allow another man to touch him like that EVER. 
I'd be pretty concerned if I were you..and he's kissed other men too? That's weird to me and no, I am definitely not against homosexuality..totally for it..as long as two people are happy, I don't give a shit, it's not harming me in anyway! Just for your SO to be comfortable having another man kiss him would worry the shit out of me....

Answer

I know a girl who married and had kids for a gay guy. Well bi sexual but if u saw him u wouldnt believe he got time for women. Anyways he used to sleep with men behind her back and before their wedding his cousin told her about what he had been doing and she refused to believe it and said nah he aint gay. Anyways she married him and then things fell into place for her and they seperated now and he embraced his so called sexuality.

Thats not to say ur situation is the same but i kind of expect straight men to be a bit scared of gay guys. I cant imagine any straight man i know feeling comfortable with a gay man kissing and groping them and i believe that gays have gaydar.

I hope things work out for u. At the end of the day all we can do here is speculate. Maybe worth sitting down with him and having a serious convo about it?

should I be upset? I have no idea how to react

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