feeling low 😢

After finding out I was pregnant in January this year I was over the moon I always wanted to be a mummy my cousin fell pregnant to we were a week apart I was so happy for her she has 5 kids already going for my 12 week scan I was excited looking up at the screen and seeing the ladies face said it all my baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks I was devastated couldn't stop crying a week later my cousin went for her scan to be told her baby stopped growing as well we both needed d&c a week apart I fell pregnant again In June I was scared but excited again went for my 12 week scan to be told I lost my baby at 8.1/2 weeks this time it killed me it's been nearly 5 weeks now still no period so I don't know what's going on my first period came in 27 days after my d&c found out today my cousin is 14 weeks pregnant I'm happy for her but I can't stop crying I feel so down that the one thing I want I keep losing thinking when will it be my turn I hate feeling like this but don't know how to snap myself out of it and she didn't want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me but I don't want her to think that I'm not happy for her cause Ian but it's killing me at the same time just don't know what to do anymore 💔💔😔😢x