Feeling out of place with underweight issues

Molly

I've had some old insecurities come back to me now with this pregnancy and am looking for some thoughts and support from this awesome group of women. I oftentimes feel like I can't talk about this issue because no one wants to "hear it" but I just don't know where else to go with this so I hope this can be a place for kind words.

But I'm talking about the type of weight problems a lot of people diminish or avoid talking about... Being too underweight... All my life I've been underweight and have developed a serious sensitivity over people telling me I'm a string bean or too skinny or asking if I have an eating disorder. My parents used to sit me down after dinner and watch me drink protein shakes every day (which totally did more harm than good, emotionally at least) and not one pound came on. Finally when I was about 16 I ended up around 100-105lbs (I'm 5'6'') and now at 25 I've gotten a little more secure in my body shape mostly because people are just sensible enough not to comment.

But pregnancy has changed that. I want so badly to weigh more for the health of me and the baby and I'm 17w and still weigh the same (105). I have a bloat but it freaking weighs nothing apparently and comes and goes. People constantly give me advice about what to eat and do. My in laws especially watch me eat and yell at me to eat more and ask my husband about it when I'm not around. Just now (this prompted me to write this post) my husband told me I don't look pregnant enough when he saw me lying down. I carry nuts with me everywhere and drink protein shakes, eat cheesecake almost every night and fatty (decaf) Starbucks every day... I am just beside myself with this feeling that other people think I would prefer to stay this size and wouldn't prioritize the health of my little son.

Anyway, I wonder if other women can just tell me I'm not alone! Or something, anything that can help me let go of this worry. Thank you for reading this :)