Feeling disconnected

I know it's not your fault you're is ill so we have been seeing eachother less because you're looking after your kids. I would never get mad over the fact you are looking after your family after my ex who doesn't give a damn about his kid.

But saying we will be okay is not permission to stop containing me. We used to message eachother continually, and this weekend when we were finally alone and my 17yo was at his dad's was aweful.

Last week when we kissed I felt so in love with you, like it was all new again, which it should do because we are at the  beginning still.

I love the way we can talk about anything but there are some things that have been on my mind.

I love you and just think I shouldn't be feeling like this, last night was the 1St night in ages we could have been totally into each other but something felt off.

I'm glad we are comfortable enough to both say things need to change, me with the cinema seats you with the restaurant. It shows we are at a point in our relationship where we are over doing something we are uncomfortable with.

Everything seemed such a rush to get date night over, I know I took too long to get ready but going downstairs 1St and walking off in the cinema just made me feel vulnerable. Like you didn't want to be next to me. Was it something I wore or said? And when we got home and you knew we would fall asleep but still wanted to put a film on rather than go to bed and be intimate or just talk till we fall asleep. Cuddling naked means as much to me as sex If not more. You know what has happened in my past. It's not all about an orgasm.

I also felt a uncomfortable because I wore the underwear and kind of felt dismissed, I know sex isn't a big deal for you but for me it really is. I need to feel wanted. I didn't. I thought you liked that and wouldn't be able to keep your hands off me!

I wish we kissed more. But I can't do that with the amount you smoke. I hate it, you still really have no idea how much,  when we met you said you had pretty much quit but you seem to be smoking a lot more recently. If I'm totally honest it's very off putting. I'm amazed at how I cope when all 3 are smoking. If you notice I tend to move into the living room. 

There must be things I do that you don't like and now would be a good time to bring them up so we both get it all out.

I hate feeling like this maybe we are just exhausted with work and we have both stopped messaging each other. I miss the way we were.