How it happened: 6 wks pp I woke up on a Saturday morning with my breast feeling different. No fever, no skin changes from what I can see (between stretch marks and veins, I barely recognize my breasts since giving birth as it is). My symptoms perfectly described a plugged duct. I googled, I didn't want to bother calling my on-call physician on a weekend, I would give it to till Monday. I did warm compresses, i massaged, i fed on all fours to try and relieve the blockage. Come Sunday morning i felt achy, like maybe my one glass of wine last night at dinner might have caused a slight hangover (hey, I'm a lightweight since abstaining from alcohol for 40 weeks!) I kept googling, kept frequently feeding, warm compresses and ibuprofen. Monday morning I knew this was something more. I was very tender, my breast was hot. I felt a small lump. (Was this trapped milk? More like mastitis?) i called the doctor office that morning after getting a temperature of 99.7. They had me come to the office right away. I thought I would be diagnosed with mastitis and given an antibiotic and sent on my way. Instead I was sent for an emergent ultrasound that confirmed their suspicions. I had an abscess in my right breast. This only happens in 10% of mastitis cases. But when did I have mastitis?? This all happened so fast! After three rounds of antibiotics, two ultrasound guided needle drainages that removed 25mls of infection on two separate occasions, a reoccurrence, i ended up with an indwelling drain you see here. 

The bad: I was sore, delierious feverish while fighting this. Antibiotics weren't helping. I had sleepless nights of soreness and fever. My LO would love to knee at my sore spot when feeding on my other breast. I couldn't lift her without being in pain. My husband worked full time, and my mother is handicapped so I had no help at home. I was told it was effecting 25% of my breast, lowering my milk supply on my right side, which is supposed to produce more than the left side. My LO hated feeding on that side, the bandages smelled funny, not like mommy, but sterile like a hospital. Many times I would pump that side instead. I was afraid someone would tell me to stop breast feeding. She was only 6 weeks old and i never thought THIS would cause the end of breastfeeding. I was scared. Let alone the struggle of taking a newborn to multiple doctors appointments, specialists across town, and radiology appts. Not to mention the fear of hearing "if it's not an infection, it might be cancer". I held my LO so close that night, praying. 

The good: I did it, I kept breastfeeding. No doctor told me to stop, they just advised it would be hard. My husband was a huge help when he was home, leaving work and driving me to appts when my fever reached over 100 and I couldn't see straight, helping to bring the baby to me to breast feed when I couldn't lift her. Making dinner when I was too exhausted to stand up. I never thought I would fall in love with breastfeeding as much as I did. Nothing was going to stop me. 

My advice: don't google. It's so tempting. It's so easy to do. Call your doctor as soon as you think something is slightly different. Maybe if I got a course of antibiotics sooner, It wouldn't have gotten this far. I wouldn't have a huge bag attached to my waist. My now 11 week old has never gotten formula. My left breast has made up for the slack on the right side.  No one can warn someone how hard motherhood can be, until they are in the trenches, fight for their LO, fighting for what's best for their family. I thought of this as I'm lying alone on a cold surgical table, with a nurse holding my hand as they inserted needles into my breast. I thought of all you breastfeeding moms, who shouldn't have to go through this. I hope you kiss your LO and are thankful for your health, and remember that taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of them. ❤️