why? men why? someone please help me understand.

Question

We've been married for 10 years & our sex life has been great. However, for a few years now we have our peaks (sex daily) to me literally asking if he wants to.

Honestly I've considered that maybe he's cheating (which all points to no) he's masterbating (I've caught him before) I've even told him I'm ok with it as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex. Yes we watch porn when we want. I go to strip clubs with him if he wants.  But sometimes I feel he doesn't find me interesting.

Last night after a 13 hr shift on his feet he came home tired, he had dinner and while he showered I got ready...put some lingerie, makeup, did my hair the way he likes it, and put on some slutty heels. I waited on the bed till he got out. He came out slapped my ass and told me he had to get his stuff ready for work and then we'd get to it...fast forward 20 mins of being awkwardly posted in bed he's done so I climb on top to start kissing, grinding and ... I go down to give him a bj and he's not hard...like at all. He said "i just need extra motivation"... I'm like extra motivation? This is extra motivation. Wtf?! I swear it was such an insult. I hopped off took everything off and went to bed. He first got angry saying I should be considerate and that he's tired and that I should ask. I was being considerate by taking charge and going on top. I'm trying to be spontaneous. He then apologized saying he was too tired to even concentrate on sex. I'd believe that if it wasn't always me asking for sex. I know what his sex drive use to be like so this drives me crazy. He says he's getting older he's not that needy for it. For me I would think any guy would love for the woman to be sexually creative and spontaneous. Right? Wouldn't a man get turned on at the sight of a woman in lingerie waiting for him? Please help me understand your mind. Can work REALLY make a difference? Can age make a difference he's only 29?  Many many years ago he was caught watching porn a few hours after sex and masterbating. He says he doesn't anymore but I can't help to think so. Idk what to do. Last night hurt my feelings like no other. He shattered all confidence I had. Im starting to burn out. I can't be chasing someone who doesn't find me attractive (which he said he does) but am I over thinking this?

Answer

13 hrs on your feet constantly would make even the most sex crazed person tired and uninterested in sex. cut him a little slack. either get a job/work longer hours to relieve the financial burden on him, be supportive and understanding in these difficult times by maybe getting a vibe to satisfy yourself/ give him a show (motivation) or leave him. i understand that youre frustrated tho and either way, the man says he loves you and you have no reason to think otherwise, you should try to be there for him rn bc this is probably difficult for him too babygirl

Answer

After a 13 hour shift I'm sure he would be tko. My hubs is a trucker, and the night he would arrive by 7pm and has to leave at 1am I rather him get some rest to recoup. I'm sure he doesn't mean it as an insult to u.

Answer

Not all men are sex fiends. Thats a poor assumption on your part. Also, listen to him when he says you should probably ask him before doing anything sexual, because consent is important. Maybe you can try to get a job and help cut down on his hours so he isn't so busy and tired.

If you didn't want to have sex, you would want your partner to respect that. They deserve the same from you. Just because he is a man it doesn't mean he wants sex all the time.

Answer

Yes, age and stress at work does this to a guy. It's not like you never have, it just not going to be daily. And sex drive is different from Men and women. They have their highs when are at 15-20, women feels more need btw 30-40
Só you have to talk to him and relax

Answer

There is a BIG difference in sex drive between a 19 and a 29 year old. He IS getting older, and working 13 hours?? You really think he'd have the energy to have sex after that? I'm sure he appreciates your effort, but if he physically can't have sex then what do you expect? He needs to rest, buy a vibrator or a dildo and enjoy yourself until he initiates in the future. Give the man a rest, men aren't sex machines that get hyper horny every time they see a woman.

Answer

Maybe there's an underlying medical issue(?) Like high blood pressure (which could be caused by stress from work 😰)

Answer

I understand this. I work 4 ten hour shifts a week in a row sometimes 4 twelve hour shifts. I am always on my feet. All I do at work is walk around all day to get things because it's my job. I only sit down on breaks. But I do understand the feeling. Although I am very attracted to my boyfriend I am very tired some days from work. You have to be understanding of the other person.

Answer

Oh babe I feel you I have been with my man since high school now we are parents buisness owners and have alot going on so ya it is always me asking and ya sometimes he doesn't get hard right away or sometimes it is even hard for him to stay hard but what I found out if he is not taking his nlood pressure med regularly he has a problem and i got him a natural supplement that is suposed.to to keep his male hormones in check guys do get really sensitive about this subject like really sensitive and if they get a story in their head about feeling picked on about their penis they will think it everytime and worry about it and not get hard believe it or not I think they are worse than us sometimes lol if he is not getting hard right away and he says he need extra try not to take it personal he really isn't saying it about you I find if I take a deep breath and slow down and pay exta attention it works out good lol but he is getting older and I have slowly added vibrators into our time together without making him feel like he's not enough I stated by touching his with it and asking if it feels good  putting it between us and now he will pull it out too haha it just adds spice to it we don't really need it it's just fun bur when I thought it was me and got sensitive we didn't do it for a while and we're kinda snappy to each other people do change as they get older the sucky thing is we want more and they want less go figure but ys guys do have a hard time as they age and are stressed and tired but make sure he is getting proper Dr's checkups too good luck I know it's so hard to not feel like it's you but be patient it's really not

Answer

As someone who works 12+ hours, he may just be exhausted. Don't feel bad! Try again soon!

Answer

Definitely the tiredness. My husband is the same way. He's in the military. He gets up and leave at 4:30am and doesn't get off of work till 7-9pm sometimes 12am and even 2am. He's tired and maybe he lashed out on you from being frustrated with the exhaustion. Talk to him. You two can have sex another time and make it up.

why? men why? someone please help me understand.

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