one year today. 😓 *trigger warning*

My husband and I have a 3 year old son (who was 2 at the time). My inlaws took him home with them for 3 days. My dr refused a D&C saying "she didn't have the time on her schedule." My baby had already been gone for 2 weeks and I still had to wait. I miscarried at home two days later. That night I was rushed to the ER because I thought I was dying. I was laughed at by the nurses saying "oh you'll KNOW if you're bleeding too much." But the truth was, I didn't know anything. I had never been through this before. I was sent home. 

I started smoking again that night. I swore I would never touch a cigarette ever again, but for some reason I felt like I deserved a 'pass.' I smoked a pack a day until the day I found out I was pregnant again in January.