I hate my baby's father for everything he has put me through this pregnancy, he left me 2 weeks before laboring and he really did expect me to let him have the privilege to be there at birth or at the hospital. Now I am dealing with this new heartbreak trying to not put the baby in the middle of it so I let him come over and visit. Today he demanded having our baby's girls last name changed and I said no. He called me selfish and said he was going to find out a way to make sure she does. I stood quite not wanting to start a fight and I blurted out "Does it really not hurt you? At all? Do you not feel bad at all for everything that has happen?" With tears in my eyes. then he proceeds to tell me he is not happy about the name and I said I wasn't referring to that but to everything else. Its one thing to break up with someone because its not working out but to act like the victim and blame me for everything even more no apology, no sorry, or no closure. Not a "I'm sorry for what I put you through" or "I'm sorry for treating you like shit, not being supportive" not a sorry for the times he kicked me out his house or the one time he called the cops on me while I was 8 months pregnant. I sure as hell didn't get a sorry for driving me crazy with his in out of jobs. Why can't I get a "thank you for being there while I didn't have a job" or a "thank you for the times like when u bought me a pair of new shoes or a piece of new clothing on my back" a "thank you for taking the time to come to my house to spend time with me" the more I think of it the more anger and hurt I feel, it hurts because I loved, love him or what I thought was him. He and I knows he has no chance in court if he chooses to take me for custody he knows I will be the primary parent and that also means spending money on lawyers, dna testing, etc. Not only that he knows I will end up putting him on child support if he was even to try. Our baby is a newborn and I know things will end up getting ugly because he already asking to take her out my house yet I am not comfortable with that idea due to that fact his car always smells like weed and other reasons.

I know we are better off apart but even now his attitude sucks like if I owe him shit, it gets me more angry because I tolerated the manipulation while being with him but I really don't need to deal shit from him now. He shows a lot of interest for the baby when he visits, he holds her and talks to her, tells her he loves her and how pretty she is, you can tell he really wants to be part of her life or maybe its just a passing phase but I don't want to be the reason to keep my baby away from her dad just because of our issues but every time he leaves I end up tearing up and hurting. We still need to talk about an actual visitation schedule and how he is going to help out financially so maybe I'll get that our the way tomorrow.

I really expected us to have made things work and I miss the good times we did have, I don't understand how I'm the one with the resentment and how his actions should just make me move on period. My life feels upside down and full of joy at the same time for being a mommy. I dont want to enter motherhood like this but this heartbreak is keeping a block door in front of me. Please help, any advice??